


Days Gone By

by luhenyangkun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, currently undergoing massive editing / rewriting, rather than deleting the original i will update here when it is completed, so i guess this is officially on hiatus while i edit it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-02-07 08:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18616525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luhenyangkun/pseuds/luhenyangkun
Summary: ↳ In a world where everyone has a tattoo which shows the first thing your soulmate thought when they first saw you.Mark learns multiple things in the span of a year, including what it means to have a soulmate and that first love isn't all that it's made out to be.





	1. The Trials and Tribulations of Being Mark Lee

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of a writing prompt from tumblr for a soulmate au. This story will feature ideas from prompts throughout.  
> Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read this, it really does mean a lot and hopefully you enjoy it.  
> This is an introductory chapter - the first proper chapter will be coming soon.  
> (slightly edited and extended end to the summary that unfortunately is too long for me to pop it in the actual summary) Except Mark's plans for surviving this year without confessing to Haechan go down the drain quite swiftly one October evening, Mark, fully competently, confessed his feelings for Hyuck, albeit half-way to drunk, and now Hyuck doesn't talk to nor touch him. Mark is tired of pretending and continues to break down bit by bit; not ready to come to terms with the fact his first crush doesn't necessarily equal first love, that his other best friends are very much in love but are too shy to admit it, his younger brother is going through puberty and isn't six anymore, his older brother has intimacy issues and some couples are made for each other whereas others are not.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> extended summary

Soulmate au, in which everyone has a tattoo somewhere on their body which shows the first thing your soulmate thought when they first saw you. Soulmate marks appear shortly after the recipients eighteenth birthday, only before if the soulmates have confessed to one another or been confessed to by their soulmate before receiving said soulmate marks - these marks will appear shortly after confession. 

Mark almost had it all, your typical boy next door with his glasses perched on the edge of his nose, his messy hair (which somehow still looks good) and what is seemingly an obsession for oversized hoodies and peppermint tea (he really needs to be stopped, Renjun is convinced he's 60% tea rather than water these days). As well as the fact he nearly always has at least a headphone in and his nose is usually buried into his textbooks or notes and when someone complains, usually Hyuck or Renjun, they are always met with a grunt followed by a “when it’s your final year this time next year, you’ll understand”. 

Mark was just trying to navigate his last year of school without telling one of his best friends he was in love with him, that was his main priority (besides getting into university) - not that his brothers were much help, or his mother for that matter, especially when he went through his 'gay awakening' long before he received his soulmate mark, Zac Efron in high school musical and Prince Eric from Ariel contributed to that one. His tattoo, visible to the world, eloquently saying ‘fuck me, please'. A nice little confidence boost, if only Mark knew who it was and wasn’t _hopelessly,_ madly and undoubtedly in _love_ with his best friend. He always wondered if his soulmate knew; the mark was in a fairly obvious place and Mark never made the effort to intentionally cover it up.  
Mark's older brother, Johnny, prefers to brag about the fact his boyfriend is a famous idol, rather than helping Mark with his life crisis - as Jaemin calls it. Johnny having received his soulmate mark a few years ago now, another masterpiece of the English language 'dear lord, I’m so fucking gay'. Mark's younger brother, Jisung, is currently going through his 'too moody to have a conversation which is made up of a full sentence from me' phase and Mark misses when he was an excited pre-teen who wanted to play video games and didn't talk back. Although Mark has started to spot, albeit very sparsely, smiles creeping back onto his face whenever he's on his phone - Renjun has informed Mark that there's a new student in Jisung's class whom he seems to be smitten with.  
Except Mark's plans for surviving this year without confessing to Haechan go down the drain quite swiftly, six weeks into the year on one dreadful October evening while celebrating Yuta and Winwin's birthdays and WinWin possibly/finally/maybe admitting to the fact he is in relationship with Yuta even though everyone knew he was just as whipped.  
Mark, fully competently, confessed his feelings for Hyuck, albeit half-way to drunk, and now Hyuck doesn't talk to nor touch him. And with Hyuck still adamant he has no tattoo, Mark is tired of pretending and continues to break down bit by bit, not ready to come to terms with the fact that a first crush isn't necessarily supposed to become a first love, all while trying to pass his exams - because of course, university is just around the corner and Mark isn't ready for everything to crumble around him just yet.  


⚛ 

Yet, Mark and Hyuck aren’t the only ones with issues and a story to tell.  
Mark’s older brother, Johnny, has been dating popular idol Ten for the last few years – unfortunately in secret to those outside of family and friends that are family in every way other than blood relations. Johnny had always handled the distance well until recently with Ten’s popularity increasing and with it the flirtatious advances from other idols, sexy dances and more and more time apart. Johnny’s ready to scream how in love he is from the rooftops but fate always seems to have other plans.  
Jisung is well and truly into his emo phase. The sixteen-year-old is consistently cooped up in his room, blasting music day and night. Mark doesn’t mind too much when he plays good music like the 1975 or lovelytheband but, he’s recently started playing punk rock at 2am or bubblegum K-pop songs at 5pm when Mark’s _trying_ to study or, Mark’s personal favourite, sad tear-inducing original sound tracks at 11pm when Mark just wants to sleep. On the flip-side however, Renjun swears that Jisung and the new student, Chenle, have been getting along very well and look absolutely smitten with one another – thus, Mark is praying that they’re on the way out of the ‘I’m too cool to care about anything anymore’ phase.  
Yuta and WinWin have been dating for the past year, everyone knows, yet Sicheng is still apprehensive to admit it and no-one knows why when he’s just as whipped as Yuta is. Perhaps Sicheng is still afraid of what will be, only time will tell.  
Renjun however is the ultimate _disaster_ gay – Mark is quite disgusted with one of his best friends to be frank. With Jaemin’s confession at the end of year dance before summer, Renjun hasn’t been able to look at him properly without getting flustered. Renjun having the tattoo ‘angel’ written simply on his ankle while Jaemin has ‘they’re definitely staring’ on his ribcage. As much as Jaemin finds it adorable, everyone else is ready for Renjun to get over being panicked and for the two of them to finally get together – they are soulmates after all. Yet, with football and hockey practice, Jaemin seems to be gradually disappearing and Renjun’s only way to cope is by throwing himself into his final year project – he’s had to be physically dragged out of the art room’s on more than once occasion.  
Jaehyun and Doyoung are more than happy to sit back and watch the chaos unfold before their eyes. Pitching in occasionally when Jaemin pulls the ‘I need my big brother’s help’ combined with the puppy dog eyes and pout, which Jaehyun just can’t seem to resist. The two of them also happen to be the captains of the Markhyuck ship.


	2. It’s all messy, the bed, the hair, the heart, the life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark wakes up on his birthday and doesn't quite know what to do with this revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, just some info and clarifications to start off with! This can be skipped if you feel like it - it's not necessary.  
> I’m British and so this is sort of set in England as my knowledge of Korea is not good enough and I’d feel like I wouldn’t be properly informed about the culture enough to write about it, particularly the schooling system so I have gone with one that I (unfortunately) know all too well! However, with Ten being an idol etc. I will be using some aspects in order to go along with the story line – I will also not be using honorifics as I will forget continuously and I don’t really think it suits the flow of my writing. I’m sorry that I’m not giving details I would like to do so but I feel like it’d be disrespectful for me to try and write in a context I’m not familiar with.  
> One last thing, Mark and the other 99 liners are in year 13 of school, the 00 line are in year 12, Jisung and Chenle are both in year 11. Johnny is twenty-one, along with everyone else (all of the other members) and they’re all in uni or working, e.g. Ten as an idol. They live in a fairly small town and the other surrounding towns so they all went to school together since they were young which is how they all know each other.  
> And on that note, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Mark was, by no means at all, ashamed of his sexuality. He hadn't had to have a whole coming out to his family, they saw the way he looked at Haechan and his mother didn't seem the slightest bit surprised when Mark assumed his soulmate to be male. Mark received his soulmate mark immediately on his birthday, he’d woken up that morning only for it to already be there – the oh so eloquent words ‘fuck me, please’ emblazoned on his wrist. - he wasn’t too keen on sharing that with his mother. So, naturally, with Johnny home for the weekend, Mark decided that he’d be the best person to talk to about this – having received his soulmate mark the day  _before_ his eighteenth birthday (having drunkenly made out with one of his best friends at the time, Ten, – super romantic right, woken up the next morning side by side with Ten’s soulmate mark visible on his collarbone and Johnny’s written across his bicep), his again not being so eloquently written with ‘dear lord, I’m so fucking gay’, Ten’s on the other hand read ‘holy sugarflumps he’s so pretty’ – sugarflumps was used as, at the time, they were all still adamant on not  _actually_ swearing as Jisung was too young to be exposed to the eldest’s foul language, according to their mum anyway, Johnny had said that he was going to learn it all anyway – where’s the harm in him learning it now, he got slapped on the arm for that one. It was an awkward conversation for Mark to have really and not one he was going to have with his mum, especially not as she’d taken the day off for him and she was a busy woman as a single mother and a doctor at the local hospital, she didn’t have the time for his silly teenager problems; let alone how his mother’s soulmate mark turned white after the death of their father and although Mark and Jisung were too young to remember, especially Jisung, Johnny has told them that she was broken for quite some time. Losing one’s soulmate or being rejected, will make you severely ill and until love is found in another format – channelling love somewhere or to someone else. With three children and a few years, their mother was able to recover much quicker than many do. But he knew it would still be painful for the rest of her like so, subsequently, Mark decided to spare her of that pain (and his own embarrassment) and go to his brother. Hopefully he wouldn’t be too resentful after pushing himself out of bed at eight in the morning on a Saturday when football training had been cancelled, mainly as no-one wanted the football captain to risk injuring himself on his birthday as Mark was really  _that_ clumsy.

 

 

 

 

The walk across the hall was over in a matter of seconds and Mark was beginning to hesitate. But he could do this right? Just, ‘hey Johnny I’ve got my soulmate Mark and I’m ever-so-slightly scared to death because, like, what if it isn’t Hyuck?’ Mark’s been in love with Hyuck since he met him two years ago and well, after Mark had told Johnny about his predicament of being in love with your  _best_ friend, Johnny had stopped teasing him about his crush on Hyuck after that. Scared for his little brother after remembering how horrible it was to have an unrequited love when he was a teen (once upon a time as Jisung likes to say whenever he's feeling less moody teen and more time to tease my older siblings because why listen to your teachers and respect your elders). Sure, things had worked out for him now and Mark had been reminded of Johnny and Ten's relationship one too many times late into the night whenever Ten wasn't somewhere around the world in *insert various country here that is getting further and further away from Johnny* for idol activities. Johnny, a biomedical engineering student at the local university, was more than happy to brag about his famous boyfriend whenever he was in the same country but Mark had also caught him countless times snuggled up with Ten's various gifts when they struggled with time zones.

  
And then he did it. He knocked on the door, a totally mundane, everyday occurrence. This was fine – Mark’s heart rate was  _totally_ normal, his hands weren’t clammy, he was just warm… right?

  
He was snapped from his thoughts after hearing a grunt and then, “Who is it and what is it? I’m about to be a little busy.” Gross, Mark had forgotten that Ten had joined them last night ahead of birthday celebrations this evening.

  
“Shit sorry, I- uh, never mind it doesn’t matter! You can go back to, back to that and uhm… don’t be too loud…please, it’s  _my_ fucking birthday I don’t want to hear it. I’m sorry for, for interrupting you.” Jesus Christ it’s eight am and they’re already going at it?

  
“Thank you, Mark! We’ll try keep it quiet, can’t make any promises though.” Mark should’ve known really, Ten had been away for the last few months on tour so they’d been apart for some time and according to Johnny, facetime just wasn’t the same nor was it enough. So, Mark left, back to the safety of his room (and his bed) before traditional birthday pancakes – with Nutella and vanilla ice cream in a couple of hours – arguably the highlight of his birthday.

  
“OW! SERIOUSLY, you didn’t have to hit me Ten! Fine, I’m going, you so owe me later. Yes, I’m putting clothes on but they’re coming right back off when I get back.”

  
And with that Johnny had ventured back (now fully clothed and appropriate to be seen outside of the privacy of the bedroom), to see what was going on with Mark. As, even though Mark had cock-blocked him and Ten was the one who’d made him go check on him, he still loved his younger brother… most of the time, he really wasn’t a fan whenever Mark cock-blocked him,  _especially_ when it came to morning sex – the  _audacity._ Morning sex was a privilege that Johnny was not able to indulge in often and he wanted to make the most of his time while his boyfriend was on a break.

  
So, with a knock to Mark’s door and a “Hey Markie, what did you need?” Johnny was in older brother mode.

  
“No, no… I’m fine really. I just, you- you’ve had yours a while and it doesn’t matter sorry. Go and enjoy time with Ten, I’ll see you at breakfast.” Mark was shaking, his hand clasping his wrist so Johnny wouldn’t see the mark. Maybe he could hide it? No-one’s going to question why he’s wearing long-sleeves in August  _right?_

  
“Mark  _seriously_ , you’re shaking and why are you holding your wrist? OH, oh! Oh? You got your mark didn’t you! Ah Markie, that’s so cute. Let me guess, you want to know what it’s like? I wouldn’t really talk to me to be honest; you remember how messy it was with Ten and I. Ooh, I know, talk to Jaehyun and Doyoung tonight! They are the ultimate soulmate couple and all, I know they found each other early like Jaemin and Renjun but those two are a mess, Jaehyun and Doyoung are so perfect it’s truly sickening.”

  
“Johnny please stop, that’s not what I’m worried about.”

  
“So, it’s about Hyuckie right?”

  
“Pfft, what makes you think it’d be about Hyuck?”

  
“Oh, I don’t know maybe because you’re in love with him and its Haechannie this, Haechannie that twenty-four seven. We all know how you feel about him and maybe that’s the sign you need he’s your soulmate. Yes, yes, I know he’s not said he’s gay – we all know about his parents – just confess already, that way you’ll know if he could ever feel the same.”

  
“I can’t confess Johnny, are you actually crazy?! It’s not happening – I can’t risk making someone else sick, besides it can’t be Hyuck. There’s no way he’d ever say  _this_ ….”. He wouldn’t be that brusque, would he?

  
“Oh my god, I forgot to ask you what it said! Show me, show me please Markie!”

  
“Fine, as long as you stop attempting to do that cute voice,” only Haechan (of course) and Jisung could pull off the cute voice, “please… jus-just don’t tell mum, I do not need the ‘talk’ from her on my  _birthday.”_ It wasn’t even nine o’clock and Mark couldn’t quite believe the amount that had happened this morning, he hadn’t even checked his phone.

  
“It can’t be as bad as mine, oh no. Yeah, okay that’s worse than mine. ‘Fuck me, please’ that’s bloody brilliant. HEY TEN! Come see this, it’s even better than mine!” Johnny was clearly trying to suppress the want need to let out a snicker.

  
Ten begrudgingly emerged from the confines of Johnny’s bedroom, clearly dressed in a t-shirt that did not belong to him, reaching almost to his knees, “What’s going on, are you coming back to bed? It’s still early and we didn’t get much sleep last night.” Seriously, always in front of Mark. “Oh, what’s that on your wrist Mark? Oh, did you get your tattoo, let me see.”

  
Ten let out an inhumane noise upon seeing it, Mark flushing with embarrassment from head to toe, body increasing in temperature by what felt like 300 degrees. Ten could not stop laughing, Johnny joining him, letting out a scarily loud cackle after trying to suppress his laughter for so long – it wasn’t long at all, but to Johnny it felt like hours.

  
“Okay, okay, that’s enough. I- just please don’t tell mum, or anyone. Jisung will have loads of questions and I really,  _really_ , do not want to answer them; please just leave me alone for a bit, I’ll see you at breakfast.”

  
That was enough to get Johnny to leave, he knew when to stop, he may be the annoying and constantly teasing older brother but he didn’t break the boundaries, just pushed against them when he felt like it – usually when Ten had been too busy for them to even get five minutes to tell one another they loved the other. Johnny, contrary to popular belief, wasn’t  _that_ lacking in common sense, he knew how his brother felt about Hyuck and he knows how hard it is to have been in love with your best friend and think that hiding it forever would be the best option. Him and Ten weren’t exactly  _supposed_ to happen; it was a drunken kiss, followed by tipsy fumbling of clothes, followed by memories of skin on skin, lips on lips and scatterings of hickeys the next morning – this was what was known as an accidental confession. The two were soulmates so somewhere in the universe, whomever it is that controls the soulmates treated their kisses and night together as a confession of their love for one another, revealing their soulmate marks hours later, shortly before their eighteenth birthdays.

 

Marks younger brother on the other hand was, to put it simply, a pain. Jisung was having his 'emo phase' as his mother called it, not that he was rebellious in any way - Jisung was far too much of a perfectionist to rebel, his perfect grades, attendance record and never-ending list of extracurricular activities proved that, yet if you were to try and give him a hug or even pat his hair or pinch his cheek you would be met with a low grumble from the boy who would shrug you off and pout until you apologised. And he spent far too much time in his room – not that Mark could really argue with that – but for Jisung it was round the clock, only emerging for food or to help with the food shopping when he was asked, or rather yelled, to by their mum. < br/> Mark remembers when he'd beg for attention and he misses those days, Jisung was shorter than him and not as smart, Mark did not like being the middle child, especially when he was the shortest of the bunch, he deemed it very unfair that his 16-year-old brother was nearly a head taller than him. Gone were the days of family night movie night every Friday, with pizza and ice cream – just the four of them. A lot changed since Johnny went to uni and it was harder of Jisung liked to admit. Johnny was the one who tugged him out of bed to get him to actually leave his room and he was also the one who carried Jisung up the stairs and tucked him in when he’d fallen asleep half-way through the movie. Johnny was also the only one who could calm Jisung down after a nightmare or a panic attack – Mark didn’t know how he did it, he was always able to fix the younger two whenever they needed it.

 

Yet, here Mark was, staring at the ceiling waiting for his mum to call them for breakfast, for his birthday pancakes where he’d smile, pretend like nothing happened, wear a long-sleeved shirt and have to say he was ‘just cold’ and act super excited about tonight when they’d be having a party. Mark liked the idea of something much more lowkey than a party with alcohol and his underage friends drinking and Johnny’s upper school turned university friends and boyfriend getting drunk too, yes, they were like Mark’s brothers too (they had all known each other since the end of primary school) but, he’d rather not see a drunken Ten and Johnny making out in the kitchen (seriously, food is cooked in there) or Doyoung and Jaehyun being the cutest couple – they were practically married now according to Johnny, they’d been together since they were fifteen and known each other since they were three, they were best friends and lovers for the past six years and Mark could only  _dream_ of that being him and Haechan one day.

 

 

The only other person aware of Mark's crush on Haechan, besides his family, was his best friend, Renjun. Although Mark was beginning to realise that Jaemin (Renjun's new boyfriend) probably knew also considering the two were attached at the hip whenever they got over the blushing and could actually look each other in the eye without curling in on themselves. Everyone was beginning to get a little sick of it, especially when they could  _actually_ be together and Mark was just a little bitter about that. Okay, he was jealous… really jealous, he dreamt of holding Hyuck, running his hands through the younger’s light brown curls, kissing his temples whenever he had a headache, bodies intertwined as they curled up and watched a film. Mark wanted it all, every single picture perfect, tumblr-worthy, cute couple moment and he  _hated_ himself for it.

Mark liked his life, aside from a few annoyances here and there (see being totally in love with Hyuck). He was in his last year, working his way towards ‘graduation’ along with his duties as deputy head boy (Lucas got head boy and although Lucas was another one of his good friends, he was a little bitter over losing), captain of the football team, co-captain of the hockey team (with Jaemin, Renjun happened to really like the fact one of his best friends and his boyfriend had ‘quality bonding time’) and trying, albeit desperately, to not tell Hyuck he was in love with him and he loved the way he resembled the sun and he'd be his moon and other sappy and cringe-worthy things Mark had picked up watching too many 'silly hallmark pictures' (as Hyuck called them whenever he decided to express his distate for romatic films) or Renjun's cringe inducing k-dramas. Mark didn’t do it on  _purpose,_ he didn’t wake up one morning and decide, ‘hey I’m in love with Hyuck!’. It was a gradual thing really, yes when he first met him two years ago, his first thought was ‘sun’ and sometimes Mark hoped that Hyuck  _wasn’t_ his soulmate otherwise he’d have sun written somewhere on his body come next June, hopefully not beforehand. Shortly after meeting Donghyuck and finding out that his nickname was Haechan, Mark lapsed into calling him either Hyuck or Haechannie - usually the latter as he found it both cute and extremely fitting, full sun for the teen who’s skin was  _sun_ -kissed, who’s hair was a light  _summery_  brown and who’s smile could light up the whole universe (albeit the last one wasn’t necessarily an actual fact, although to Mark it very much was and he would argue with you on it).  
The story of the two meeting wasn’t picture-perfect like in the movies, nor was it awkward and cheesy like in the books – arguably it was a little bit of both. Looking back on it, Mark thought it was quintessentially ‘them’ in a nutshell.

\- - - - -

It was a few weeks before school started, two years ago now, and Jisung was going through his massive reading phase. It was their favourite place, besides their home, their local coffee shop and the bookstore on the edge of town. Mark volunteered twice a week during the Summer but he’d been at the library at least four times a week trying to drag Jisung away from his books in order to actually come home. However, one Friday evening as he finished up his shift, the library was practically empty save for Jisung curled up at his preferred spot in front of the large window with a blanket traipsed over his shoulders that Mark put there earlier on when it looked like he was about to fall asleep, and Yuta and WinWin probably making out upstairs while ‘looking’ for books they ‘needed’ for their final year and lastly, the one that Mark was  _interested_  in, the boy who looked a similar age to himself, who’d been typing away frantically at a computer for the last forty-five minutes, only stopping when he’d look over to what appeared to Jisung’s direction. Unfortunately, at this point, Mark had yet to see his face. The usual librarian had told him earlier of the boy who came in almost every day to send emails to his friends back home as his family had recently moved to town from the city, and that was all Mark knew.

  
Until today.

 

  
“Hey, I’m sorry to disturb you bu-but please may you help me find this book, I need it for school and I can’t find it anywhere.” He spoke with a slight accent and all Mark could think was ‘cute’. Somehow, maybe Mark just being the moron he can be at times, hadn’t looked up from where he’d been putting books away.

  
“Yeah, not a problem, we’ve usually got books stock-piled in the back when they’re for school…”, at this point Mark finally looked up, allowing his eyes to roam over the boy in front of him and all he could think was  _‘sun’_. Mark was usually quick on his feet, despite being mildly socially awkward, meaning he was able to recover quickly and let out the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding since he’d made eye contact with what he would later be reciting to Renjun (with Jaemin half paying attention) as the literal human embodiment of the sun. “What is it you were looking for again?”

  
“The Lovely Bones by Alice… I can’t remember the surname, sorry! I need it for my literature class.” The apples of his cheeks were dusted a light pink, Mark had to hold in the squeal at how cute he thought that was.

  
“Ah, Alice Sebold! We have loads of them in the back, follow me it’s just this way, students from the upper school always come in asking for them as they’re compulsory. I had to read it last year, it’s not too bad but not quite my taste. I’m Mark by the way, I’m in year eleven. I’m guessing you’re new around here as I haven’t seen you before and well, everyone knows everyone here usually and woah I’m rambling sorry.” Way to go Mark, real smooth.

  
“I- I’m Donghyuck, everyone calls me Hyuck or Haechan though. We moved here a couple of weeks ago, it’s a bit different to having lived in the city.” They both had awkward smiles on their faces but upon hearing ‘full sun’ Mark’s eyes creased and the corners of his mouth turned into a  _genuine_  smile.

  
“Full sun, huh? That explains a lot.”

  
“What do you mean by that?” Mark was enchanted by the inquisitive look in his eyes as he asked the question, so caught up in the moment he almost forgot he was supposed to answer.

  
“Oh, nothing.” Yes Mark, good job of shrugging that off like it was no big deal, not like you’re crushing on this boy you’ve known for nought point three seconds and you’re already planning the rest of your lives together. “Here you are, one copy of ‘The Lovely Bones’, if you ever need some  _decent_  book suggestions, I’m always happy to help or my little brother – the one cocooned in the blanket over there – has read the entirety of the science fiction, teen and drama sections and has nearly finished all the romantic comedies. I think he’s giving period dramas a whirl when he’s finished which I’m  _not_  looking forward to.”

  
“Thank you, I might just have to take you up on that.”  _God, that smile._  “I’ll see you around Mark, hopefully I’ll see you at school.”

  
“Have a good evening Haechannie.”

 

And that was it. They saw each other when they went back to school, Hyuck made friends with all of Mark’s friends as they happened to be in various classes together and the rest was history.

\- - - - -

Mark is still unable to pinpoint at what point he realised he fell in  _love_  with Haechan and was no longer just crushing on him. His mum had told him that sometimes there’s those people that just capture your heart and you just let them have it, without even noticing. That’s a way he could describe his relationship with Hyuck – the younger had the entirety of his heart in his hands and Hyuck had no idea that if he snapped his fingers (or rather gave one of his signature captivating pouts), Mark would give himself all to the younger.

And so, Mark’s day went on. All peaceful and just a simple birthday where he could enjoy time with his family, or so he thought.

His mum had shouted him for breakfast and unfortunately on his way downstairs he was able to hear  _noises_  he really, really, didn’t want to hear and had to tell his mother that Johnny and Ten wouldn’t be down until later on. Jisung, surprisingly, was already sat at the table, tucking into pancakes while frantically texting. Wait… Jisung never texts.  
“Jisungie, what’re you doing? I thought you deemed text to be allowing the decline of verbal communication and therefore we could only contact you by phoning you.” Mark tried not to worry about Jisung but sometimes he made it really hard, he was probably another Tumblr kid who was born in the wrong era but Mark didn’t have any expertise in that area of things. Jisung was constantly tired (more than himself), he would often grumble about the patriarchy and you didn’t  _ever_  want to find out what happens if you move any of his books.  
“You try keeping up with this lot,” he was grumbling now, back to the normal Sungie, “we just wanted to pull off a good surprise but nooo, everyone’s arguing. And seriously? How do they type that quickly they must have super sp- oh shit, I spoiled it? Oops.” So they were planning a surprise party for him, Mark was pretty convinced after several of his friends had dropped subtle hints in conversation about seeing him when he didn’t recall making plans.

Damn it, he looked so defeated. Jisung may be growing up quickly (far too in everyones opinion) but he had yet to lose his large doe eyes, filled with innocence and desperation that it didn’t matter who you were, you couldn’t say no to them. Mark had two choices – act oblivious to hearing that they’re organising a surprise for him in order to not have to see  _that_  pout or own up. It was pretty obvious he was going to lie; he couldn’t handle the pout, he was a weak, weak man.

 

“Spoiled what? I wasn’t listening to be honest. I’m so tired.” Initiate classic fake smile, everything is bright and dandy this morning – what soulmate mark? What surprise party? What crippling desperation to achieve?  
“Never mind, I never said anything Mark! Happy birthday!! How are you this morning? Feeling good, ready for the big eighteenth?!” Okay, Jisung being energetic smiley was not good. Mark was now fearing for his life slightly. The only times the other was energetic these days was when he received new books or a mcdonalds strawberry milkshake.

  
“Ah, happy birthday Markie!” His mum’s melodic voice echoed throughout the dining room as she entered, ruffling his hair as he sat down. The smell of buttery pancakes filling the air, easily distracting the two from their conversation, joining them at the table. She let Mark get through a grand total of three bites before asking, “Soo… eighteen, huh? Big day, feeling any different – any suspicions.” Mark may have been very, very wrong about being able to hide this from his mother. He also wasn’t any good at lying, fake smiles sure, lying to his  _mum_  – not so much. Thus, here he was sat opposite his mum and younger brother hoping,  _praying_ , his ears didn’t flush red – his give-away.  
Thankfully, Ten and Johnny chose that exact moment to come bundling down the stairs, grabbing pancakes from the kitchen before sitting down and greeting the others. Hopefully, a blessing in disguise.

  
“You feeling any better Markie?”  _Dammit Johnny, definitely spoke too soon._  
“Mark? Are you okay? Did something happen?! Oh my god, what’s wrong – do we need to go to the doctors?”  _Over-protective mum mode had been activated instantly._

  
“Bloody hell mum, I’m f.i.n.e. Really, I was just a little thrown earlier when I remembered it was my birthday – eighteen is a big day after all.”  _Please buy my lie, please buy my lie._

  
“Bullshit Mark, you look about ready to throw up.”  _I hate you Jisung._

  
“Language Jisung! Oh my god, I saw that look. Why do you keep looking at your wrist Mark, huh? You didn’t injure yourself, did you?” Mark shook his dead at that. “Oh no, that’s not it at all is it, are you seriously not going to tell your own mum about your soulmate mark?”  _Okay, she seems a tad pissed, but in my defence no son wants to tell their_ ** _mother_** _about someone wanting to fuck them, even with the fact it is related to the future love of their life, or so Mark was told._  

  
“I-It’s just… I uh…”

  
“Mum, it’s not exactly eloquent like ‘angel’ or ‘ethereal’.”

  
“Oh Johnny, it can’t be as bad as yours. Sorry Ten, but you really should have thought that one through.” Ten let out a half laugh – ever so slightly mortified at the same time – while Johnny snickered like he’d done so this morning, trying to muffle the noise behind his hand - unsuccessfully. In Ten’s defence he was young and impressionable and had himself only recently gone through discovering he was gay, not that it was a particular surprise as for the better part of twelve years he’d be disgusted every time a female tried to ask him out.

  
“Oh my god, it’s worse than Johnny’s?!”

  
“Surprise?”  _Seriously Mark that’s all you can think of to say?_

  
“Show me.”

  
“What? Why? You don’t need to know, I kind of wanted to keep it to myself, you know, special between me and my soulmate and all that sappy stuff.”

  
“No. I want to see. I want to see what’s embossed on  _my_  baby’s wrist, let me see.”  _Mark was a weak, weak young man and his mother scared him._

  
“Promise you won’t turn it into a lecture?”

  
“Can’t make any promises other than not today.”

  
Okay, here goes nothing, you can do this Mark. You’re pulling down your sleeve, your mum is seconds away from reading the words ‘fuck me, please.’ On her son’s wrist and it’s worse than Johnny’s mark. No-one thought it could be cruder than Johnny’s, yet, here they were.

  
“Oh my god.”

  
Light, melodic laughter filled the room.  _She’s laughing?_

  
“Well, at least someone thinks my baby is attractive I guess, hopefully you’ll adopt cute kids.” The half smirk, half smile on her face made Mark  _fully_ aware of the fact she was teasing him; his own mother was teasing him over his soulmate mark.

  
“Seriously, that’s all you have to say. No lecture on how to _not_ behave like Ten and Johnny, how to treat a man right – nothing?”

  
“Like I said, not today at least. You can take care of yourself, you’re eighteen, plenty of people have lost their v-card well before your age.”

There was a slight shift of her eyes to Johnny and Ten who were both looking a little sheepish. “Besides you’ve been pining for Hyuck for two years, I doubt that’s going to change in one night.”

  
“Uhm, thanks I guess?” Mark was really at a loss for words. He didn’t exactly know what reaction to expect but it certainly wasn’t this.

  
“Just our Sungie left to find his soulmate now in this family!”

  
“Johnny, I’ve not found mine yet!”

  
“Sure, you haven’t Mark, you’ve no  _idea_  who your soulmate could be. We’re all totally clueless at what kind of person you’ll fall in love with.”

  
“Shut up and eat your breakfast Johnny, leave your little brother alone, Mark doesn’t know anything for sure yet.”

  
"Thank you Ten, it means a lot-" He was unable to finish his sentence, being swiftly cut off by Ten once again.

  
"You can shut up too Mark, it may be your birthday but we're not listening to your bs about how Hyuck isn't your soulmate when he _clearly_ is.”

  
"Frankly, I feel very judged right now."

  
“Personally, I think this is hilarious but I have chemistry revision to do. Happy birthday Mark, I’ll see you later.”

 

And with that they were able to slip into peaceful conversation about various mundane things relating to work and back to school and the not so ordinary, but one they were very much used to, topic of Ten’s next comeback and the modelling work he was excited to start over the next few months for some brands in Thailand and Korea – the other side of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> It really means a lot and please leave any and all feedback and let me know what you would like to see!  
> This chapter has been edited and reuploaded due to me altering parts of the storyline for clarification. If you notice any inconsistencies please let me know.


	3. maybe we'll be better off, perhaps we're not meant for this universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning of Mark’s birthday continues, but it’s time to get side-tracked by best friend Renjun's crisis and a blast to the past (Okay, it was like a month or two ago shhh) we're calling it the past  
> credits to wherever or whatever song it is I got the chapter title from I really don't remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly in text format (my attempted text format) and a _hefty_ flashback scene(s) to one fateful night – and the morning after.  
> Sorry for any mistakes - shout at me below it helps :)

2nd of august [continued]

**5 new messages**  
**_(1 new message)_ Hyuckie** – happy birthday, I guess! See you tonight, can’t wait! (:   
**_(1 new message)_ Injunnie ** – do I really still have to wish you happy birthday after all these years? Is it not just a given smh  
**_(1 new message)_ Jaehyun **– happy birthday lil guy! See you tonight!!! Doyoung and I are very excited to see you!!  
**_(1 new message)_ Lucas ** – yo, happy birthday dude! 8pm tonight right?  
**_(1 new message)_ Jaemin ** – sending you birthday love! Catch you later <3 

_**TO Lucas (11:38 am)** _ yep! See you tonight, ‘fashionably’ late as always right bro?

God did mark hate calling people bro.

 

 _**TO Jaehyun (11:43 am)** _ I’m really not little, how long are you going to keep this up for? Actually, don’t answer that, I’ll see you and Doyoung tonight.

 

 _ **TO Injunnie (11:45 am)** _ wow, I love this kind of treatment on my birthday, so kind of you.

 _**FROM Injunnie (11:47 am)**_ We’ve known each other, what fifteen years? I think we get the idea now, do we not?  
In other news, considering I don’t really care about your birthday right now, do you happen to know what’s up with Jaemin? He hasn’t messaged me in three days, the last time we spoke he couldn’t end the conversation any quicker.

 

Oh my god! The audacity! How dare he not message you?

 

Your sarcasm is not appreciated nor is it necessary right now. Usually I can’t get him to stop talking to me, I’m a tad scared.  
You don’t think he’s going to break up with me, do you?  
Oh my god!  
Mark what if he breaks up with me? Like are we even together? We aren’t together so he doesn’t even have to break up with me.  
You don’t think it’s to do with that new girl Yuna do you? He was the one who gave her tours!!  
He said he was gay but maybe he’s not, maybe he feels like he got the wrong soulmate! He used to date girls, what if he lied to protect my feelings. That’s cute but messed up.

 

Jesus _fucking_ Christ Injun, he’s not ending anything you're soulmates, he loves you.

and yes he did date girls but I had to listen to him drunkenly tell us he's 'strictly dick now' at Jaehyun's birthday - how did you not know?.

I’m sure he’s just busy

He messaged me earlier, he said he was coming tonight, just look hot as usual and problem solved.

S T O P  B E I N G  A  P A N I C K E D  G A Y

And you better not be practicing your break up speech.

Okay, okay  
Sorry – panic over. I’m good, we’re fine!  
Let’s get back to you!

 _**(1 new message) Hyuckie**_ – Heejin is going to be there tonight, right? You need to help me pick an outfit; I need to look H o t - specifically with a capital H *cry* 

Good because shit, Hyuck just messaged me asking what to wear tonight so he looks hot as Heejin is going to be there.  
It’s my birthday why can’t he look hot for me and not for Heejin smh

Hold up,  
Wait just a second here,  
You’re now 18.

Really? No shit sherlock, I had no idea today was my eighteenth birthday

I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner!  
D-did you get your soulmate mark yet?

Not you too  
And did you seriously stutter over text?

Yes, I did Mark, this is serious business, you have your soulmate mark don’t you?

Oof look at the time, I better run. Hyuck needs my help!

Mark  
Mark Lee  
You did not-  
You really did huh  
I guess I’ll see you later, happy birthday I guess

It was safe to say Mark had well and truly panicked. Renjun may be his best friend and what are best friends for if they don’t tease you to no end about your soulmate mark. Mark did exactly that when Renjun got his early after Jaemin’s confession at their schools annual end of year dance. Mark, Hyuck, Renjun and Jaemin had all gone together – bro’s come first and all – and while a slow song came on, Mark and Hyuck had made it outside just in time to not get roped into the dance floor, the other two hadn’t been so lucky… or maybe they had. Mark and Haechan couldn’t quite believe that after four months of the two of them trying to set their other best friends up, it took one dance, some fresh suits (they’d grown out of the old ones) and Jaemin’s freshly pink hair and Renjun’s freshly blond locks and newfound love for his glasses for the two to finally admit their feelings.

\- - - - -

15th of June - end of year dance

“I cannot believe Mark and Haechannie left us here. How come crazy maths lady didn’t catch them sneaking out the back!”  
“Uhm… I don’t know Jaemin, they just got lucky I guess.” Renjun was distracted, he’d wanted to be left alone with the other when he was ready, not when he risked blurting his crush as they may have only had very little alcohol courtesy of Johnny and Jaehyun before the dance – ‘you can’t go to a mundane school dance without a little something, how else will you get the confidence to dance’.  
“I’m sorry I don’t really know how to dance either. How do you want to do this – your hands around my neck?”  
“O-okay, sure.” Renjun could feel his hands shaking as he raised his arms up and clasped his hands together at the base of Jaemin’s neck. They were so close, Renjun could only hear the metronome that was his heartbeat thudding against his ribs. He could see the glimmer in Jaemin’s eyes, he could see the sweat beads forming just below the flop of his hair on his forehead due to the god-forsaken heat of the school’s assembly hall. Renjun’s focus was only on him, the music being played by the band on the stage gradually drowned itself out until it was at the very back of his mind, Jaemin was right in front of him, he had Jaemin’s breath tickling his cheek every time they swayed slightly to the non-existent beat.

“You know, if I knew that this was all it took to get you this close and practically melting in my grip, I wouldn’t have missed out on any god-awful school slow dances. Injunnie calm down, I can practically hear your mind whirring, attempting to process this.”

“I’m sorry I stopped listening at melting.” The reason Injun had stopped listening was due to the presence of Jaemin’s hands lowering themselves further down onto the cusp of hips and it was rather hard to concentrate when the best friend you’d been harbouring a crush on for quite some time was talking about you becoming weak under their touch and this felt like all you’d ever dreamt of (besides winning the lottery and academic success etcetera). It was one-hundred percent true; he wasn’t even going to bother fighting Jaemin on it. Anyone who looked at them would be able to see the utter panicked mess he’d become. Hands fiddling with his rings, becoming increasingly clammy, hair matting slightly as his heartrate continued to speed up and he started to feel the sweat building up.  
“Injunnie, you know I love you right?”  
“Of course, I do, what are best friends for?”

“No, I mean I love love you. Like I want to kiss you and hold your hand and cuddle up on rainy days and binge-watch all the Harry Potter movies with you, even though I know the whole time you’re going to sit there and give me a running commentary on how the books are better than the films and that J.K. Rowling is a goddess.”  
“Don’t we do that anyway? Aside from the kissing thing, you attempt to kiss me and I push you away. And, J.K. Rowling _is_ a goddess.”  
“Injun, I want to date you – I- I want to be your boyfriend.” Jaemin’s hands were gradually pulling away from their position on Renjun’s hips and he wasn’t quite ready to let him go yet. “Just say something please, something relevant… please. If you don’t want to do this we can just move on, go back to being the best of friends. You know, maybe we’ll be better off, perhaps we’re not meant to be a couple in this universe.”  
“Jesus Christ Jaemin you really never stop talking when you’re supposed to, do you?”  
It was Jaemin’s turn to blush now, Injun was never this forward.  
“I’m sorry, what did you want to say? I can handle the rejection you know! Sure, I may just have to drown my sorrows in several litre tubs of ice cream but I’m sure I’ll get over it. I’m strong yeah- “  
Jaemin was cut off with a very light peck to the corner of the mouth and that left him spluttering, unable to form a coherent sentence.  
“Wow, that got you to stop talking didn’t it? The Na Jaemin, speechless right before my very own eyes.”  
“S-shut up, I’m not blushing.”  
“I never said you were, but you most definitely are.” Renjun leant closer, mouth hovering just over Jaemin’s ear, “But, don’t worry about it, I know I’m blushing too and I can’t wait to see _every_ way I can make you blush.”  
Jaemin deemed it far too inappropriate of a conversation for their assembly hall, it was one-hundred percent not okay for anyone to over hear them.

“D-do you want to get out of here? Jaehyun isn’t home and maybe we could talk about t-this.” Jaemin could feel himself blushing more as every word left his mouth. What happened to him being the confident one?  
“Let’s go.” Renjun took his hand, almost (but not quite) dragging him out of the hall, confidence overtaking his rationality, the alcohol coursing through his bloodstream, to where Jaemin’s pride and joy sat – the car he’d inherited from his grandfather, a 1967 black ford mustang and Renjun wouldn’t lie, it made Jaemin all that more appealing.

The two’s plans to make it home hadn’t quite worked out that way. Leaning over the gear stick, confident Jaemin was back and ready to make Renjun blush just as much as he’d been doing beforehand.

Raising a hand to his jaw, “Maybe I could get a proper kiss now; without you pushing me away.” Renjun’s entire body was heating up, the others voice had dropped at least three octaves, sultry and quiet but deafening to his ears. All he could do was nod lightly, leaning into the feeling of Jaemin’s hand. It was soft and gentle, like Jaemin was scared to hurt him but quickly turned darker and deeper. Licking into one another’s mouths, light moans and whimpers, hands grasping at clothing. Before he knew it, Renjun was seated comfortably on Jaemin’s lap, back against the steering wheel, hands clutching his shoulders while the others were on his waist. Whimpers turned into groans, Renjun had managed to slip Jaemin’s jacket off and was now working his way through the buttons of his shirt, hands shaking too much and eyes closed as the two gasped for breath in between rough, passionate, _desperate_ kisses.  
“Injunnie, don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe we should slow down. We’re in my car, in the car park remember?”  
Renjun continued with his work on Jaemin’s buttons and rocking his hips back and forth with zero regard to what he was doing to the other and blatantly ignoring what he’d said.  
“Holy shit.” The smaller let out a not-so subtle gasp as he pulled away.  
“I know, I’ve never enjoyed kissing so much but, we can’t get too carried away.”  
“No Jaem shit, shit, shit! Look, oh my god, look at your fucking stomach.”  
“What? I know I have abs, Jesus Christ Injun, you’re acting like you’ve never seen them before.”  
“No, you bloody twat, I know you have abs, I’ve looked at said abs many, many times, I’m talking about that.” Jaemin whelped at the sensation of Renjun jabbing just below his ribcage, finally noticing what Renjun was talking about – their make out session now long forgotten.

“Well, you’re the only person I’ve confessed to and been reciprocated and that definitely wasn’t there when I got out the shower about three hours ago so, um, congratulations? I guess we’re soulmates. But seriously I’m going to need an explanation about this.” Gesturing at the words pressed into his skin, ‘they’re definitely staring’.  
  
“Drive back to yours. Now.” Renjun quickly slid back into his own seat, neatening his hair which had been tugged and ruined by his _soulmate’s _hands. He’d immediately gone into emotional shut down, all defence mechanisms had been activated. He was scared. He knew this meant they were soulmates but what if he couldn’t give Jaemin what he wanted, what he _deserved.___

 

“Earth to Injun, hey? You still with me?” Panic was evident in Jaemin’s voice as he watched the other stare off out the window. He opted for getting out the car, hoping that would be enough to alert the other of their arrival at Jaemin’s house. A house which was empty and quiet and the moment they went inside they’d be away from the public, all alone, to have a conversation Renjun was fearful of having, but the sleepiness had overtaken him as well and his eyes were beginning to droop.  
“Come on, we can talk another time. You look sleepy, I’ll take you to bed.”  
Renjun’s body was so used to this action that his limbs moved on their own, arms wrapping and locking at the back of Jaemin’s neck as he felt an arm slide under his knees. It was nice, relaxing even, he turned into Jaemin’s body – in search of warmth and the smell of _home_. The metronome that is Jaemin’s heartbeat, thumping softly as he was carried up the stairs. His own heartbeat, although slowing in search of sleep, was becoming increasingly irregular as Jaemin’s hands moved across his body, finding their way to undoing the buttons of his shirt and gently pulling one of Jaemin’s t-shirts over his head. Renjun managed to stay awake long enough to change himself into a pair of sweatpants and curl up under the thick duvet of Jaemin’s bed before allowing himself to drift off.  
“Goodnight Injunnie,” a delicate kiss to his forehead before climbing in next to him, Renjun’s body on auto-pilot curling himself up into his side, “we’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

 

**_FROM Haechannie (10:58 pm)_ **

Where the heck did you go?

 

 **_FROM Haechannie (11:05 pm)_ **  
Seriously we can’t find you anywhere!

 **_FROM Haechannie (11:19 pm)_ **  
Okay, I’m hoping you and Renjun have gone home because you’re both missing and so is your car

**_FROM Haechannie (11:25 pm)_ **

God help you, you better be fine

 **_FROM Haechannie (11:27 pm)_ **  
The only valid excuse I’m letting you have to get out of this is if you and Renjun disappeared because you were making out  
Mark agrees

 _**TO Haechannie (11:43 pm)** _  
Well, I guess you can’t be _too_ mad at me then?  
Renjun’s with me by the way

Excuse me, what?!  
OH MY GOD – from Mark  
Tell me everything, now.

Well, since you abandoned us at the dance, we were about to dance and a slow song came on so I just went with it you know?  
And well I told him that I love, love him and I started rambling and well he kissed my cheek to shut me up and then we were going to go home but only made it to my car

Holy shit this is better than a drama  
Hurry the fuck up I wanna know what happened next -mark  
Wait ew, you better clean your car before I get in it

we didn’t have sex in my car!!  
Injun was kinda up for it though, he was sat on my lap and wow his hips can move and his kisses GAH! Fnjvnldf and his waist is so tiny?? Like we’ve cuddled before, like we are right now but wow, my hands on his waist as we kissed was totally different

Jesus, you sound like you came from just making out  
Or did you get left with blue balls lol -mark

mark wins this round  
I said we should slow down because I was majorly hard and I was not having sex for the first time, in my car, in the school car park  
He completely ignored me and carried on kissing me and undoing my shirt and then he pulled away and gasped really loudly and I was like ?????  
Honestly thought he came for a second but no  
He’d undone my shirt completely and was just staring at my stomach so again I was like ??

We get it Jaemin, you have abs  
How many times do you want to tell us?

I have nice abs okay but that wasn’t what he was looking at  
Um, turns out I have a tattoo now

I really, really want to say I’m surprised but we been knew, you and Injun were clearly soulmates -mark  
Okay Hyuck is super excited and is currently dancing and screaming and said to tell you congrats so congrats

But after that, he just switched and got off me and told me to drive home, he acted like nothing happened.

And then he fell asleep in the car so I carried him up to bed and changed him into pjs

but like, I can’t see a mark on him so unless its somewhere super hidden (and I mean super) what if he doesn’t have one? Is that a thing?

I’m sure you just haven’t seen it, try get some sleep and the two of you can talk in the morning. Hyuck’s still screaming so I’ll get him to message you tomorrow.

Thank you, Mark. Sorry for unloading this on you, I’m just so so scared. Johnny and Ten had such a rocky start from best friends to soulmates, we aren’t all Jaehyun and Doyoung I guess

No, we aren’t, but you and Injun are your own people and you’ll figure it out. Johnny and Ten worked things out after all. Good night Jaemin.

Jaemin finally let himself relax, the soft snores of the small, blond boy lulling him to sleep. They’d figure this out.  
They always do.  
_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people :)  
> Have a chat, yell at me, leave me some feedback or whatever you want in the comments! I love hearing from you (yes you as in the reader)


	4. broken hearts club (part one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With emotions up in the air and alcohol coursing through their blood-streams, Mark’s eighteenth is a night he doesn’t entirely remember, one Renjun would prefer to forget and one Doyoung most definitely regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the broken hearts club by gnash

_Broken Hearts Club Part One_

_** 'Cause misery loves company, so hey, what do you say? ** _

* * *

15th June

Renjun had woken up first the morning after. Disorientated, dizzy and drunk on the familiar scent of freshly baked vanilla cookies and general comfort, like a hazy mid-morning daydream. Gradually coming around from his slumber, he began to register his surroundings; streaks of light, streaming sporadically through the cracks in the blinds, dark grey duvet only reaching his hips, his small frame on display, a large hand splayed gently across his back, curling him into a furnace – the source of the cookie smell. The t-shirt he was wearing hanging low and lose off his body - evidently not his - and his head was resting on  _something_ (or rather  _ someone _ ) far too firm to be a pillow. He was not in his own bed and he was not alone.

The scent was familiar, it was one he had become well accustomed to over the years. Belonging to the ever-so-perfect Jaemin. Shit, he was in bed with Jaemin, wearing Jaemin’s clothes and memories of the two making out and grinding on one another... and  _ (oh god)  _ the soulmate mark, flooding his mind. Consecutive images flashing every time he blinked, dread flowing through his veins.

 

Why did he do that? That was his  best friend , nothing more. That was not  _ supposed  _ to happen, Renjun was  _supposed_   to hold in his feelings up until graduation next year when he could happily move to the other side of the country, or another country for that matter, and avoid Jaemin until any and all feelings had faded away.  _Yes, he very much thought that running away was the best (and only) way to cope with his feelings._

Maybe he could fall in love with a nice foreign boy, forgetting about the picture-perfect, ideal type that was his best friend. 

 

This was not  _supposed_   to be some cliché friends to lovers (or rejection) trope, he didn’t have the time for that – he didn’t have the knowledge of how to do that. He was happily pinning; he didn’t need any more than that, pining worked for him. Defence mode was on and Renjun wanted to run. So, he did, figuratively at least, carefully manoeuvring himself from the other, searching for his clothes which had been neatly folded along with his phone and keys, and with one last look at the sleeping boy, he left. 

 

Feelings could be dealt with later. Broken hearts can be mended later. After all, misery loves company and it was beginning to feel like misery was all Renjun knew. 

 

* * *

 

2nd of august [continued]

“Oh, come on Mark, just show us!” 

The only time Renjun ever acted cute was when he wanted something, putting on a lilted whiny voice, fluttering his eyelashes and pulling out all his aegyo - which frankly just irritated Mark; he’d never understand how it worked on Jaemin, the younger would practically fall on his knees then and there whenever Renjun used it to get whatever it is he wanted. Maybe he’d just become immune to it after having a no longer adorable little brother who once upon a time didn’t need to try to do aegyo, he just was cute and Mark would’ve given him the world if he’d asked. 

 

_Jisung once asked if he could have the moon and Mark ended up spending two hours putting a glow in the dark stars and moon sticker set up on Jisung’s ceiling, which are still there._

 

“Mark! Why are you hiding it, everyone knows about mine and Yuqi’s, about Renjun and Jaemin’s, Johnny and Ten’s, Doyoung and Jaehyun’s, the list goes on. You’re just the next one to have it, it’s no big deal.”

 

_No big deal that you don’t want to tell your best friend because the moment you see his reaction, you’ll know if he’s your soulmate or not. Sure, no big deal._

 

“Okay! Lucas leave Markie alone. He’s my shy little brother remember; his soulmate mark is  _interesting_   to say the least and we’ll leave it at that, shall we?”

 

“Lucas is right though, what’s the big deal, it can’t be worse than Johnny’s.”

 

Mark inhaled quickly, firmly and very noticeably.  _Way to be subtle Mark!_

 

“Oh no, you’re kidding its worse than Johnny’s! That’s brilliant.” Jaehyun turned and took a few steps out of the kitchen back to the living room, confusing the others until they heard a, “HEY! Doyoungie come here!” Doyoung appeared instantly from lord knows where amongst the seemingly endless amount of people gathered in his house, navigating his way through and around groups that Mark barely recognised. They were quite disgustingly domestic, as usual, but it was amplified by the copious amounts of alcohol consumed – most of which by Doyoung. Kisses to cheeks and pecks all over, stood just too close together for it to be publicly appropriate, Jaehyun’s hands never leaving Doyoung’s body and consistently moving to inappropriate places for innocent eyes.

Finding his spot with Jaehyun’s arm around his waist, body curled into Jaehyun’s chest but head turned enough that he was capable of conversation, or rather joining in on the teasing of Mark to get him to show the others his soulmate Mark (which had been hidden by his choice of a flannel shirt this evening, resisting the urge to roll his sleeves up despite the heat.

 

“What’s going on now? Injunnie are you still trying to get Mark to reveal his soulmate mark, I thought I told you to leave him alone?”

Doyoung was actually sticking up for Mark, but everyone knew he wanted to know just as badly. Everyone was desperate to know the moment Mark spluttered when he was first asked, apparently that was just the sign they needed that it was a good one. Not boring like all the other recent ones had been.

 

“No babe,” shaking his head and tutting at his boyfriend, “trust me, you’re going to want to stop pretending you don’t want to know – it’s  worse  than  _Johnny’s_ .” 

 

Doyoung’s eyes visibly widened at that, the same reaction as everyone else. Doyoung couldn’t stop laughing, gripping onto Jaehyun’s shirt in order to attempt to balance himself.

 

“Okay,” barely audible between wheezes as he tried to catch his breath from laughing, “Mark you have to show us, you cannot keep that from us. Seriously, _how_ can  it be worse than Johnny’s, no offence Ten.”

Johnny’s mark was notorious in their small town (possibly village if you were feeling technical about population sizes), everyone knew about it. Word spread like wildfire the moment someone outside of their intricate friendship group overheard - the seal had been broken and that was enough. Johnny would never get over how utterly mortifying it was when his mother returned home to tell him all about the delightful conversation she’d had with Mrs Potter down the road about how scandalous this teenagers soulmate mark was, only to be told she didn’t know the name of the boy who had this  _tasteful_   (said with quotation marks and dripping with sarcasm) phrase emblazoned on his body only that the soulmate was ‘the one who goes by the number rather than a proper name because his names too long’. His mother was devastated she hasn’t been told and that Johnny never explicitly told her that he was gay - although Johnny argued it was rather obvious and that he didn’t watch magic mike, multiple times, just because he loved romantic films. Johnny couldn’t look his mum in the eye for at least two weeks afterward.

 

Ten slapped his best friend on the arm for his commentary. Even after almost four years, Ten still hadn’t lived that one down and doubted he ever would – but he still hadn’t made his peace with it, the teasing continued to be relentless whenever the topic of soulmates came up and Ten was quite sick of it, his truculent nature sparking every time.

 

“Shut up Doyoung, just because yours is cute and all because Jaehyun was four and you did look like a  _fucking_   bunny!”

“Correction, he still looks like a bunny, especially when we’re fucking.” Doyoung became visibly flustered at that, Jaehyun never being one to shy away from admiring his boyfriend at indecorous times, “Shut the fuck up Jae. Back to Mark! We were talking about Mark; Mark show us your mark!”  _Clearly Doyoung was a master at attempting to turn the conversation away from himself whenever he was flustered._

 

Doyoung was definitely a giggly drunk and a little obstreperous under the influence of alcohol, despite the situation, “oof that rhym-ryhmed, I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it!” He was grinning now, clearly impressed with his efforts towards an outdated joke, prompting Jaehyun to coo over his boyfriend (cough, disgustingly domestic, cough).

 

“If you not wanting to show us is about Haechannie, we get it, but you know we wouldn’t tell him if you didn’t want us too.” 

 

Ten’s usual bite to his voice was gone and he spoke softly to Mark, despite his tendency to be louder and easily making his presence in a room known, he had a soft spot for Mark – seeming to care for the younger far more than he’d ever let on if asked. Typical tsundere Ten.

 

“Hyuck’s not here yet, right?”

Ten replied with a simple nod and a quick eyebrow raise to Johnny, a gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by Mark but he was used to being incapable of decoding their years-in-the-making ways of communicating nonverbally.

“Just, I’m not ready to tell him yet okay? If I show you all, he doesn’t hear a thing or I will know who to kill and I won’t hesitate to – I have dirt on every, single, one of you.”

 

“Okay, okay, whatever Mark, we solemnly swear to not tell Haechan or let him find out. Now show us that freaking tat!” Lucas would be the death of him one day, slapping a hand against Mark’s back and making him wheeze at the sheer force, partially knocking the wind out of him. How Yuqi (teeny-tiny, possibly quite fragile but also rumour had it she had a black belt in martial arts, Yuqi) hadn’t been crushed by one of his death-grip hugs, Mark will never know.

 

Exhaling deeply, Mark began to roll up his sleeve. He’d managed to tuck the tattoo away, hidden from eager eyes, underneath a long sleeve easily and _hopefully_ he  could find some sort of watch or bracelet in order to cover it up before having to leave the house over the next few days. As he pushed his sleeve toward his elbow and lowered his arm to allow the others to see, the kitchen had gone silent. All four of the onlookers (not counting Johnny and Ten who having already seen it, were no longer completely shocked by the marking) were in utter shock. Silence had washed over them, the thumping from the heavy bass dance music Ten had put on earlier and the ticking of the kitchen clock were the only things heard. That was until Doyoung was, foreseeably, the first one to lose all composure and let out an unattractive snort before clutching to Jaehyun’s shirt once again in a fit of giggles, gasping in attempts to breathe, between muttering ‘ _oh my gods_ ’ and ‘ _holy shits_ ’, the others all swiftly following suit after that. Even Mark managed to crack a smile at their reactions, despite his unwavering feelings weighing down his shoulders.  _But hey, what’s new?_

 

Lucas was the first to speak, managing to catch his breath enough in order to be able to from a comprehensible sentence. “Okay, you win, that is understandably something you wouldn’t want to share.”

 

 

“Damn, Haechannie did not hold back. Babe I’m so glad we were in reception, all these dirty thoughts, you people are so disgusting. I have never been as grateful as I am right now to have bunny written on my hip and for my first thought to have been ‘squish’.”

 

The seemingly automatic assumption that Hyuck was the one responsible (again), didn’t fully register with Mark, too focused on the conversation continuing – not giving him the chance to protest what everyone was thinking, maybe it was for the best.

 

“Johnny, please tell me we’ll never become as disgustingly domestic as them, I don’t think I could handle the desire to vomit every thirty seconds. I like fun, I like spice and flirting, not patterns and cheesy nicknames.”

 

“Shut up Ten, domestic is cute! Domestic shows commitment - don’t be bitter just because you can’t handle that.”

 

“Go take Yuqi on dates to drive in movies and other corny shit Xuxi, keep pretending you’re in one of those American movies from the nineties.”

 

“You’re just jealous because you can’t have dates outside of a five-mile radius of this house.”  _Ouch, wrong place and wrong time Yukhei, not good - not good at all._

 

“Okay everyone! Ten do not respond to that, Lucas go somewhere else before he starts fighting – you know I can’t hold him back. We’re here for  _my_   baby brothers eighteenth everyone, not arguing over soulmates and relationships. We’re done here, everyone back to the party.” His voice was stern and husky, stretching himself to his full stature - Johnny was a fluff ball but not one you wanted to make angry. 

 

Johnny was always the mediator, the only one allowed to tease either of his baby brothers – as soon as someone else did he would automatically switch into over-protective older brother mode. Mark thought it was his way of protecting them, he’d been instrumental in the raising of Jisung and had grown up alarmingly quickly after having lost their father and as their mother became busier and busier with her work. Then he grew up more after he was pulled into the world of parties and late nights by older friends from various sports teams, desperately trying to forget about his newfound feelings for Ten at the time, at the tender age of sixteen. He continued to mature as he started his A-levels and helping Mark with his GCSE’s and Jisung venturing into high school for the first time. Their mother was busy, always there for them whenever she could be but that didn’t hide the absence of a father figure. Yet, they made do. Their mum did everything she could and more and they’d be forever grateful for that. He’d had to mature once again when Ten got accepted into an entertainment company in Korea – his lifelong dream – and they weren’t ready to go their separate ways, knowing that as soulmates it would only hurt them more. Ten not being able to wander around town or take Johnny on magnificent dates during the daylight hours was a sore subject for the two of them, not seeing each other in person for months at a time was hard – but they made it work. They both remember, unfortunately very well, the pain they went through when they both realised their feelings for each other and Mark remembers listening to Johnny cry to their mum when he realised that he was hopelessly in love with his best friend. Mark remembers the homophobic kids that were the year above Johnny and Ten, threatening them in the hallway, Mark remembers Johnny outing himself in front of a substantial amount of the student body in order to stick up for Ten; not caring about if he was ready or what people would say. Mark remembers Johnny as a protector, a rock, their anchor – always keeping them safe and grounded. 

 

Luckily, everyone knew when to drop a conversation and most quickly dispersed from the kitchen, re-joining the party. Mark let out a sigh of relief – he knew he wasn’t ready to deal with this yet. He could feel himself sobering up by the minute.

 

“Hey, Mark. I’m really sorry for pushing you earlier. That wasn’t fair, not after how understanding you were about me and Jaemin. Do you want to get some air?”

 

Getting some air was their secret code, their way of escaping the world – even if only for a few minutes. Mark always thought there was something about the way you could just sit there, watching the world go by without a care in the world. Something about the way the air flowed around them – like it was easier to breathe, easier to let go of your worries. Their words would flow out, sitting with their legs dangling over the edge of the treehouse with the ability to chat the days away. Thoughts, feelings, dreams, all shared with the world and no longer the insides of their minds, eating away at any and all insecurities and worries. It took them back to when they were young, when they didn’t care about what went wrong, whether they messed up or not. Mark liked how naïve they were back then, not a single care about the future - everything would work out in their eyes - now, it was a continuous cycle of crippling anxiety, an overwhelming desire to achieve, sleep deprivation and a  strong inclination to do nothing at all.  _Procrastination was, and always will be, a total bitch after all._

The two took their designated spots, watching the sun beginning to set over the field before them, casting a rose-coloured hue over the scene. Mark always had a fascination with sunsets, he isn’t sure when it started but there’s something about them that draws him in, maybe it’s the colours or the way Hyuck’s skin glowed just like the sun itself whenever the golden hour light was cast over him, highlighting his features and only exemplifying his beauty more.  _God, shut up Mark. You sound like a stupid lovesick teenager, oh wait... that’s exactly what you are._

 

“Earth to Mark? Calling Mark back to Earth in three, two and - “

 

“Sorry! Sorry, got distracted, guess there’s just a lot on my mind.”

 

“You don’t say. Come onnnnn! It’s your birthday Markie, we’re supposed to be having fun and getting far too drunk off of what will be later recounted to our parents as ‘just the one cider or beer’ and then regretting our entire existence in the morning when we’ve realised all the mistakes we’ve made while under the influence. For example, being three drinks in and already kissing boys that are far too pretty for their own damn good and frankly it’s very unfair.”

 

“So we’re less than two hours in to the party this time and you and Jaemin have already made out in my bathroom?”

 

“No, we only got to the hallway and then Hyuck rang him, something about an emergency and Heejin. Oh shit, sorry Heejin free zone.”

 

“It was a rhetorical question and I’m okay, you don’t have to keep things from me. Honestly, I’m okay. I know it’s the same old stupid, stupid trope but i’m not going to spend the rest of the year pining for my best friend. i’m going to enjoy this year; i’m going to get my grades and i’m going to get into uni and you know what renjun? i can do this, i can; not anyone elise - just me. I’m going to do this. I am sick of waiting around for things to happen. I am not going to sit around and look pretty while he inevitably breaks my heart, he has Heejin now. He’s not gay. School is my priority and that is something I can control. All the things I can fix, why not fix them now while I can?

 

Me and Hyuck, we don’t act like boyfriends, people don’t assume we are. They assume we’re best friends and maybe that’s all we’re ever meant to be. Maybe i’ve just confused the line between caring about someone and loving them. I am done crying over him, I’ll focus on being friends nothing more. That’s all we need and I’m perfectly okay with that.”

 

“So pining hours are over for you?”

 

“Pining hours over Hyuck are officially closed.”

 

“And where do we stand on pining hours for me over Jaemin being open?”

 

“Still very much open young padawan, it’s time for you to be honest with me.”

 

“Great because I love him, so much. But I’m also super scared. I know it’s supposed to be us against the world, I know that it’s supposed to be about you and hyuck being able to be just friends but I can’t do that with him - I really love him, like singing and dancing in the rain love him, hold a boom box outside my bedroom window love him. Like one make out session was so intense I forgot everything in that moment, I want to do that again and again.”

 

“So rather than telling him your feelings, you’re going to keep getting tipsy at parties and kissing him?”

 

“Yep. He has nice lips okay, don’t judge me.”

 

“Why won’t you just admit you’re soulmates? You could be happy, you can fall in love and let him look after you.”

 

“See, that sounds nice and all but after he freaked out thinking I don’t have a soulmate mark and we’re some freak exception to the rules, I don’t really know how to tell him he forgot to take my socks off? It also sounds kinda kinky and he’ll definitely make a sex joke and I’m  not ready for that.”

 

“Well, whenever you are ready, for any of it, you know you’ve always got me.”

 

“You know this is the part where you’re supposed to tell me to go get that Jaemin dick?”

 

“I am not telling you to go get that dick-“

 

“Why are you two always hiding out here? Okay, why do I feel like you were talking about me?”

 

“Hey Jaemin, we were just coming down. Just wishing Markie a happy birthday.”

 

“Come on you two, but avoid the snug - Doyoung is giving Jaehyun a lap dance, Jaehyun’s also shirtless so there’s a bunch of girls drooling, mainly Mina so soon enough she’ll be on the vodka crying over the fact that ‘all the cute ones are gay’.”

 

“Let’s go then!”

 

_You can do this Mark, you can have fun. It’s your birthday, get drunk and dance the night away._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone (or anyone)! I am so sorry for the wait, life is very hectic at the minute and I’ve been struggling with motivation a lot (but hey, what’s new?)
> 
> I hope you’re all doing well and please enjoy the chapter - I’d love to hear from you! 
> 
> Feel free to scream about dream x hrvy with me - i am so so in love! I actually knew of him beforehand (a fellow brit) and he’s been so kind to the boys and just the song is amazing but i have one issue - jisungggg stop growing up :(( his voice got so deep, i love it and i love him but it’s making me feel old and i’m not ready to grow up hehehe
> 
>  
> 
> In the meantime, I have uploaded some new works, all single chartered things that are all no pressure just for fun writings.


	5. broken hearts club (part two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark moves on, or he tries to at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I wrote this quickly, it's a filler chapter before things start happening I guess.

_Broken Hearts Club part two_

**_Me without you is like driving without the headlights_ **

**_Me without you is like waking up without the sunrise_ **

**_Never thought I could feel the way I do, but I’m not just me without you_ **

Mark  _really_  didn’t know how he ended up here. The clock to his left reads something past one-am, there’s an almost empty (but not quite) bottle of vodka clutched tightly in his hand as he’s singing at the top of his lungs to ‘breaking free’, a delightful quintet by himself, Renjun, Jaemin, Ten and Johnny. None of them able to be classed anywhere close to sober at this point and if his mum ever found out they would be in an indescribable amount of trouble. Mark’s small eighteenth get together had turned into a full-blown party where a solid ninety-eight percent of attendees were either drunk out of their mind, high off the ground or both. They would be so, so dead if this wasn’t fixed before their mum came home.

 

But, as luck would have it (for Mark anyway) apparently the moment the music switches to a remotely  _sexy_  song, that’s the cue for his friends to start grinding on one another, as if Jaehyun and Doyoung having been missing for the last forty-five minutes wasn’t disgusting enough, their dancing was borderline pornographic and Mark was not in the mood. Especially not as he was feeling more single than ever, it was beginning to feel like all of his friends were coupled up – including Donghyuck who’d been dancing (luckily appropriately) with Heejin from is literature class,  _all night long._  So, yes, Mark was feeling great. Hadn’t he been called back inside with the exact promise that this wouldn’t be happening? Mark was not having it tonight; he was very much ready to continue his drunken state and find someone to make out with himself. His choice of the night, making it seem like he had multiple options besides the game of thrones superfan from his maths class which he isn’t sure how ended up here and the generally creepy boy who’d been harbouring some sort of crush (borderline obsession) with Mark since they’d met a few years ago and once again Mark had no idea how he ended up here, maybe it was because he doubled up as a pizza delivery guy and he just didn’t leave afterwards, who knows. Nonetheless, Jungwoo was in attendance due to being Marks old maths tutor just a couple of years ago who Mark happened to have developed a small, harmless crush on. Jungwoo was  _cute,_  he was kind and sweet and always looked out for Mark – sure Mark would never harbour any actual feelings for him but that wasn’t necessarily the point of tonight. Mark wanted distracting, no longer wanting to having to force his eyes away from watching Hyuck dance with Heejin and watching her look just about ready to kiss him, no Mark did not want to watch that.

 

Thus, his attention turned to Jungwoo, dancing, making out, continuing to drink with Jungwoo. His hands slipping under the elder’s shirt as they danced, Mark leading them out of the swarm of bodies up to his room. Heaving chests and heavy breathing filling the room as they kissed against Mark’s bed. Frantic movements, gasps of one another’s names as they moved against each other. Intoxicated by one another – getting lost in each other. Maybe it was the vodka and whatever other concoctions Mark had been consuming all night but this felt  _easy_ , it felt simple. No complicated love confessions, just a ‘hey, want to dance?’. Mark liked simple but simple did not like him, hence the I’m-in-love-with-my-best-friend-who-isn’t-gay. Not  _exactly_  the simplest of things. Yet Mark made do, kissing Jungwoo distracted him from Donghyuck. Distracted him from the way Hyuck’s eyes were lined with a smoky eyeshadow and made him look beautiful, or the way his hair was currently dyed blond and  _god_  Mark didn’t think he could get more ethereal yet here he was proven wrong again. Or the way that Hyuck smiled at Mark, particularly under the warm glow of the sunset as he’d arrived, the light bouncing off of Hyuck’s cheekbones and Mark having to hold back from the urge to reach out and kiss him, instead Hyuck wishing his ‘Markie’ a happy birthday with a quick, quaint kiss to the elder’s cheek – Mark felt like he fell in love all over again. He could practically feel his soulmate mark burning, how he longed for this to all be some childish prank and things would work out and him and Hyuck were  _really_  soulmates, not just some wild fantasy.

 

“Mark,” a breathy moan, “we’re drunk, m-maybe we should slow down.”

 

“Don’t worry Hyuck, it’s fine.”  _And well shit, that just happened._

 

Jungwoo was quick to push Mark off of him (understandably so), muttering ‘I knew it’s’ and ‘I should’ve knowns’. Mark frantically apologising, attempting to defend himself until I simple, stern “Save it,” filled the room. Jungwoo left, grunting a “happy birthday” before slamming the door and maybe Jungwoo was right, Mark really should’ve known. Where did he think making out with a guy who clearly liked him but everyone (bar Donghyuck) could see the way Mark looked at Hyuck. Mark felt guilty, trying to force feelings and realising that he can’t do easy-breezy when he’s in love with someone else, he couldn’t keep kissing other people pretending that they were Hyuck.

 

Apparently Satan was feeling awfully generous tonight because as there was knock at his bedroom door and Mark was hoping, or rather praying that it was Johnny or Renjun or Jaemin or  _anyone_  besides Donghyuck, Donghyuck’s head appeared around the door, his collarbones visible from the attractively loose white button up he was wearing drooping down against his shoulder, revealing more and more intoxicating sun-kissed skin. Mark whined internally, it was his  _birthday_ , can he not breathe for five minutes?

 

“Hey, you alive in here Markie? I caught Jungwoo rushing out the door, when I asked him what was wrong, he called me a bitch and told me to ask you.” His voice lilting at the end, a half question, half statement.

 

“Shit, sorry Hyuck, he got the wrong idea and we sort of ended things quickly – he didn’t give me a chance to explain.”

 

“Ah, no worries, you know I’ve been called worse.”

 

“Shouldn’t you be with Heejin?”

 

“Lucas and Johnny are attempting to send everyone home; I think Injun and Jaemin are staying and taking one sofa and the same with Jaehyun and Doyoung.”

 

“Didn’t feel like walking Heejin home?” Mark didn’t mean to sound so bitter; he just didn’t want to get caught up in Hyuck as he usually did. He refused to look at the younger, meaning Hyuck changing into Mark’s joggers and t-shirt went completely unnoticed – probably a good thing as Mark was feeling very weak and exposure to that kind of beauty is not good for his heart.

 

“No. I wanted to come and cuddle my best friend on his birthday? Stop being so grumpy and shove over, I’ve missed my snuggles.”

 

And so, Mark let him climb into bed done being bitter over how weak he was as soon as Hyuck pouted at him, letting Hyuck nestle his head in the dip between Mark’s shoulders, hands wrapping themselves around Mark’s bare torso. Thank the lord Mark was so drunk he was on the verge of passing out.

* * *

The late morning sun always made things seem more beautiful to Mark. Slithers of light streaming through the cracks in the blinds always made everything seem hazy, softer and more delicate. Golden rays flickering across them, allowing Mark to register their changed position, now laying on his back with Hyuck curled into his side, looking tiny in the way he’s tucked himself underneath Mark’s shoulder. From this angle, Mark can see the way Hyuck’s long lashes cast shadows across his freckled cheeks, fluttering as Donghyuck slept.

 

He could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage as Hyuck’s breath tickled against his exposed stomach. Mark’s hand running through his impossibly fluffy hair, the blond suited Donghyuck, he’d always admired his tendency to mix things up with his hair colour where Mark just stuck with black, albeit it was  _technically_  dyed to the inky jet black it was at the minute. Mark could stay here forever, his hands cascading through Hyuck’s hair, admiring Donghyuck’s beauty, makeup or bare faced, Hyuck was unique and just beautiful.  _His fullsun._  He was cute when he slept too, all pouty lips and features softened.

 

It still hurt, sure, how could it not?

 

It was sweet, the way he felt in these moments but it was also dark and bitter. It made him feel whole, at home and warm inside but it broke his heart, physically pained him to know he was holding onto someone who wasn’t his.  _A bitter sweet love story._ Mark let his eyes flicker shut, allowing sleep to consume him again, an escape from the real world.

 

“Hey, Mark? Are you awake? Get up you lazy arse!”

 

 

“Go away, Renjun.”

 

“It’s like two pm, isn’t your mum back this evening?”

 

“Shit,” Mark sat up as quickly as he could without jostling Hyuck awake, “I’ll be down in a minute.”

* * *

 

“Ah Mark, lovely for you to grace us with your presence, how’s the hangover?”

 

“Jeez Jaehyun, do you have to speak so loudly?”

 

“I’m literally speaking at a normal volume?”

 

“Too loud. Shhh.”

 

“Markie!” Mark hissed as Johnny’s voice radiated across the room, far, far, too loud for someone with a hangover, “aspirin and water for my baby’s first hangover,” Mark snorted at that, “okay, your first hangover that I’ve witnessed.”

 

“So, Mark, what did I walk in on?”

 

“What are you talking about Injun?”

 

“You, shirtless, Donghyuck wearing your clothes, clinging to you like a koala bear? I smell boyfriends.”

 

“How do you smell boyfr-“

 

“Shut up Jaemin.”

 

“The moment he heard Jungwoo had gone upstairs with you he said good night to Heejin you know? When he saw Jungwoo rushing out he looked about ready to kill him, what happened?”

 

“Me and Jungwoo may or may not have been making out and then I may or may not have moaned Hyuck, very, very clearly. And, for fuck’s sake guys, we’re  _not_  dating.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I believe you,” Renjun’s attention quickly turned back to his phone when he didn’t get the answers he wanted, “oh shit.”

 

“What now Injun?”

 

“Mark you need to make sure Hyuck doesn’t look at his phone, that updates blog has posted that he’s gay – they say they were told so it was obviously Heejin and not being able to understand getting rejected. Oh my god, what if his parents find out?”

 

“Mark? Mark! Mark, come back we need to talk about this!”

 

He’d run back upstairs as fast as he could, there was no way Hyuck had slept through the commotion going on downstairs – no matter how hungover he was. Any minute now Hyuck would see the tweets, people commenting on how it was obvious, people commenting on who he thinks Hyuck’s dating. Most of them being Mark. Mark being gay wasn’t any kind of secret, everyone (generally speaking) knew that he was, he never hid it, he made out with  _boys_  at parties, he had multiple pride pins on is backpack and what-not, sure he wasn’t screaming it in the cafeteria like Ten used to, openly talking about how much he wanted ahem, body parts, of one’s older brother – yes, Mark will forever be scarred for life by Ten and his invertedness to socially inappropriate conversational topics.

 

“Hyuck, you up?” Mark didn’t need to ask the question, he could see Hyuck sat up on his bed, scrolling through his phone.

 

“Why do you look so panicked Mark? I’ve been on twitter and it’s whatever, if my parents see it I’ll just deny it, like always.”

 

“They’ll really believe that you’re telling the truth?”

 

“No, but they won’t know I’m telling a lie.”

 

“Sorry? Did you just say you are, you know, that you are  _that_?”

 

“Don’t act like it’s so taboo Mark, besides I don’t want to discuss my sexuality with you. I better head off, mum’s been asking what time I’ll be home,” Hyuck got out of bed, picking up his own clothes but not removing Marks, grabbing one of Mark’s hoodies as he walked over, stopping just in front of him, “I hope you had a nice birthday, whatever happened with Jungwoo you can talk to me when you’re ready,” another gentle kiss to Mark’s cheek, “see you later Markie, I’ll text you.”

 

Mark was left blushing and well-and-truly flustered, the typical after effects of Donghyuck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry, I don't really like this chapter and it's super short but I need progression to get to the next steps.


	6. Colouring Outside The Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The remainder of August passed like nothing ever happened, school started up again far too quickly and maybe, just maybe, Mark would get his fresh start and life could go back to ‘normal’. But really, what is normal anymore? Between Renjun and Jaemin figuring out where they stand with one another, Hyuck pretending like everything’s okay and the brother Mark feels like he barely knows anymore, Mark feels too busy to get a second chance to think about anything other than his exams.  
> Autumn always brings about change, for some its for the better – for others, not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's shorter than usual, I'm sorry. We take a look into Mark and Jisung's relationship and where Renjun and Jaemin stand with one another after the events of Mark's birthday. I'm so sorry for the delay, I talk about why this has taken so long in the end note.

**_They say time slips away when you're having fun, that's why you said let's change our life to a dull one_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Don't wanna blink one day and this will all be over, if only time could stop so we'd never grow older_ **

**_Yet in the same breath I look forward to the day when our skin has aged, I'll love you just the same_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Our canvas will have endless hues and shades because of all the vivid colours that we made_ **

     Mark always liked Autumn the most out of the seasons, the softer weather, no longer having to deal with the obnoxious sun, trees turning from electric greens to an array of dusky oranges. The air was crisper, a little harsher and with it came the rain but Mark never minded rain, perhaps it was the memories of walking Jisung home from middle school with Johnny, running and laughing as the rain poured over them – having forgotten their umbrellas that morning. Their mum always berating them for being so careless, complaining and nagging that they could make themselves sick. Collapsing through the door, out of breath, changing out of their now soaked through uniforms and curling up with hot chocolates in an attempt to increase their body temperature. They didn’t get to do that anymore. Johnny was at university, although only an hour away, but far enough that technically he didn’t live here anymore, at least not from September until June, Jisung went to the same school as Mark now and refused to drive in with him, still taking the bus – arguing he liked his ‘quiet time’. Mark remembers the bus, the bus is not in any way, shape or form, quiet. Jisung was fiercely independent, everyone knew this, he kept to himself as much as possible bar the three friends Mark knew he’d had since pre-school, Beomgyu, Samuel and Linlin, who even with their ten-year friendship, Mark knew very little about each of them. Frankly, he didn’t know much about his younger brother, not as much as he’d like to at least. Sure, Mark could tell you he has an extremely varied music taste, currently enjoying BTS and Black Pink but also the likes of panic! At the disco and Vinyl Theatre, he seems to be obsessed with HONNE at the minute if the constant playing of crying over you or location unknown was anything to go by, Mark could tell you that he prefers grey or muted tones rather than colour, knew that Jisung hates tomatoes but doesn’t mind tomato flavoured things, but Mark didn’t learn these things because he was told them, they were just things he’d picked up on. They didn’t talk anymore. Mark didn’t know what TV show he was currently binging, or what his favourite film at the minute is. Mark didn’t know the youngers opinions on his soulmate mark, he couldn’t remember the last time he heard Jisung ranting about Johnny and Ten and the damage they do to his innocence.

Jisung felt like a stranger to Mark these days, not someone he once couldn’t be separated from. Maybe that was a bit of a stretch but they were close, just how you’d imagine siblings to be. Sure, they fought and squabbled over who really won at Mario Kart but for a long time they really were each other's best friend.

 

It was sad really. Beginning to feel like you lived alongside a stranger, passing each other in the hallway or across the landing but no time for anything more than a quick ‘hello’ or a mumbled, half-arsed ‘good morning’ from either of the brothers. It would also be much better if Mark wasn’t thinking about all of this at four am when he had a chemistry test at nine and while half of his brain is making him feel guilty about how he’s been a shitty brother and too preoccupied with his exams, the other half of his brain is running through Born-Haber cycles and it only made him feel worse. Marks realising that even though its barely October, he’s become exactly who he didn’t want to be, he drowns himself in work and when he’s not studying thermodynamics or the freaking nitrogen cycle he’s attempting to get some sleep or _sometimes_ , just sometimes, he’s actually active in the group chat and is able to somewhat keep up with Renjun and Jaemin’s developing relationship but most importantly he’s gotten used to Donghyuck pretending like not a thing had happened back in August. Donghyuck left that morning, within two days he was back to messaging the group chat (also known as ‘Beyoncé’s bad bitches’ - yes, it was named by Jaemin, Renjun is still mad he wasn’t allowed to call it ‘a guide to crackheads, volume 101’ and Hyuck wanted to call it ‘hoes mad’. Mark did not agree to any of these names and continues to hide his phone whenever his mum is around - he has never flipped it over so fast than when his mum walks into the room, his friends have a habit of setting their own contact names to inappropriate phrases, i.e. Jaemin’s (again) current contact name is ‘your guide to getting that dick 101’, is there not a limit on the number of characters?) like everything was fine, starting out with his fist message about why on earth did he have homework over the summer, the _summer._ Weren’t you supposed to relax and ‘blow off some steam’? 

Mark’s brain was in a state of overflow, uni application due here, maths test next week, chemistry exam _today_ , start spending more time with your brother before you get even busier and he needs someone right now without Johnny around and deal with stupid feelings for Donghyuck knowing full well that they are unrequited tomorrow. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

      “Hey Mark? Can you come pick me up?”

 

“Sure, what time?”

 

“Now?” _Panic, panic, panic._

“Yeah sure. Is everything okay? You sound kinda wobbly?”

 

“I’m fine. I’m down the backroad behind the park, I’m waiting at the end of the road.”

 

“Okay, I’m grabbing my keys and I’ll be on my way.”

 

Mark’s guide on how not to panic was a short one, it consisted of ‘breathe and don’t freak other people out’. He only had a ten-minute car journey to figure out how to calm down. Jisung was in _trouble_ . There is no way he would’ve called otherwise and considering he could’ve walked home and it would only take an extra five minutes, something was clearly wrong. Hence, Mark’s brain has gone into instant panic mode. He wasn’t good at dealing with people or emotions, especially when he had no idea why his brother was down this road – none of his friends lived here, at least not as far as he could recall. Mark _definitely_ broke the speed limit more than once (or four) times, his baby brother wasn’t _okay_.

 

Jisung looked glum. His eyes were read and puffy, visible even though Mark was a few metres away from him, his posture was sluggish and he looked _broken_. Jisung’s face didn’t light up upon seeing Mark, although he did look a little less panicked, instead he practically dragged his body into the car, slouching in his seat and saying “Just go,” before turning up the Twice song currently playing (what is love? Mark’s brain supplied).

 

“Are we going to sit in silence and pretend like everything’s fine or is this the point where instead of Twice we listen to The Neighbourhood, Chase Atlantic and The 1975 and you tell me what’s going on so I don’t have to call Johnny or _mum_ ?” Yeah, Mark was not good at the whole authority figure thing but he did remember all the things Johnny did for him. Mark remembers his first crush, the boy was not gay and Mark, stupidly, told this boy, Daniel, that he was. Daniel was one of the first people Mark came out to and well, he didn’t take it well. Accused him of ‘tainting’ him, trying to make him gay. So, Mark, teary-eyed and heartbroken, rang Johnny who came to pick him up. Johnny sat with him in the car at the lookout, blasting Mr Brightside by The Killers until Mark was ready to talk. That was when Johnny taught Mark about how there are some really, _really_ great people who will run around waving pride flags for you and do everything they can to make you comfortable (like Lucas) and there are some people who are stupid and are not-so-great, some people don’t like it and that’s okay, they’re entitled to their opinion, Johnny had said, they’re just wrong. Mark was thirteen at the time and quickly learnt that some problems (aka stupid crushes on boys that are tall, have fluffy hair and chocolate-coloured eyes) _can_ be solved with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream and some crying while listening to Taylor Swift, not that Mark would ever admit his secret love for her.

 

“There’s a boy,” Jisung mumbled, “I think I like him? I don’t know. I ran out of his house after he hugged me and I panicked.” _Oh. My. God. This was happening, okay Mark, you can do this._

 

“Does he make you happy?”

 

“So happy. He smiles at me and I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. We get along really well, he doesn’t find my playlists weird and he already knew every Twice member and most of the artists I was listening to and he thinks I’m cute and he pinches my cheeks and I don’t hate it.”

 

“You hate when anyone touches you without permission, usually?”

 

“I usually do. But, not him. I want to pinch _his_ cheeks too. He has a gummy smile, it’s so cute. He has purple hair too! I really want to try purple, he said I’d look good with pink though so now I _really_ want to try pink hair because _he_ likes it. What is happening to me Mark?”

 

“You’ve got a crush Sungie.”

 

“Like you and Hyuck?”

 

“Yeah, like me and Hyuck. You feel the room brighten a little when he walks in and he makes you a little breathless when he gets too close, right?”

 

“Right! I’m gay aren’t I. This is the moment I realise I’m gay, huh, though it’d be a bit more exciting.”

 

“You’ve got plenty of time to explore what you want to, or not, label yourself as Sungie. But you do have a crush on a _boy_. It’s not the end of the world and no, he won’t hate you.”

 

“But I don’t know if he’s gay? I’d feel bad if he wasn’t and I tried to confess.”

 

“I honestly have no idea who we’re talking about so I couldn’t tell you if I had an inkling or not but you’ll figure it out. Talk to him, that’s the only way to get through these things. You can panic and run away all you like but you can’t avoid him forever, trust me, I’ve tried one too many times.”

 

“Okay. Thank you. Do you think this means Ten’s going to drag me to pride now?”

 

Mark let out a sigh, “We both know everyone was going whether they wanted to or not. Come on, let’s get ice cream and watch a movie. If you’ve got any questions you can always come to me, unless its sex stuff – I’m not ready for that, go to Johnny, you’re a baby so there better be no sex stuff for a long, _long_ time.”

 

“Oh my god Mark,” Jisung groaned, “you do _not_ have

to worry about _that_ stuff. Please just drive, I want cookie dough.

And, we’re playing Mario Kart! Dibs on Yoshi.” With one last chuckle, Mark

turned back to look at the younger, his own smile widening upon seeing a very

embarrassed but grinning Jisung. They would figure this out, _together._

 

* * *

 

 

 

      “Touch me with your cold hands one more time Jaemin, I swear to god.”

 

“You like me and my cold hands,” Jaemin whined, “maybe, you could warm them up for me. Don’t look at me like that, you loveee me.”

 

“Har-har, have I mentioned how funny you are lately? No? Wonder why that is. Come here you idiot.” Jaemin wrapped his arms around the smaller, allowing Renjun to bury his head into his chest, one of the only places the younger emitted warmth.

 

“See, told you that you love me.” _I do, not that I’d tell you that._  

 

“Renjun? Hey, you’re going to get a sore back if we don’t move.”

 

“I don’t want to.”

 

“What did you say? Renjun you can’t speak into me; I can’t hear you.”

 

“I said, I don’t want to go. I like it here, you’re warm.”

 

“Not even ten minutes ago you were whining that I’m cold.”

 

“I said your hands; your hands are always cold but you seem to radiate heat from everywhere else. Wait, aside from your feet too, they’re always cold, whenever they touch me in bed, I feel like an icicle.”

 

“You’re just always cold, you wear _hoodies_ in _August_ .” Now, as much as Renjun likes to dispute most comments made about him, he couldn’t argue against this. It may be October now and the cold weather has well and truly set in but, Renjun was _always_ cold – four layers even when the current temperature was reading eighteen degrees, almost hot for an Autumn day. It worked as the perfect excuse to curl up into people (Jaemin) in search of warmth.

 

“There is nothing wrong with that,” Renjun huffed, “I’m just naturally colder than like, everyone.”

 

“I like that you’re cold, it gives me the excuse to cuddle you into oblivion and it makes you squirm when I do this-“

 

“AAH! STOP!” Icy hands were tickling at Renjun’s sides, making their way under his shirt, Renjun squirming and giggling, breathlessly panting for Jaemin to stop.

 

“Speak clearly Injun, I can’t hear you.” The grin on Jaemin’s face would make your cheeks hurt, wide with pure joy and his eyes filled with love as he flipped their positions, hovering over Renjun as he continued to tickle him to no end. “What was that? Did you say you wanted me to stop?”

“Jaeminnie please,” his voice was wheezy, trying to catch his breath whenever Jaemin’s hands paused their movement.

 

“Okay, okay. I have a better idea anyway,” and with that, his voice dropped an octave, away from his usual singsong tone to darker and husky. He dropped his head into the crook of Renjun’s neck, leaving light, feathery kisses where he could before moving under his ear and up his jaw, planting kiss after kiss on the expanse of Renjun’s face. _God, Jaemin gave the best forehead kisses._

 

“Yep,” another sigh left Renjun’s lips, “definitely a better idea.” Jaemin finally connected their lips, breath tangling with one another’s, lips chasing each other whenever they parted for breath. It was needy but soft, like they were treasuring every moment of it, holding onto it.

 

A short while later Jaemin, having left Renjun with lips slightly swollen, much pinker than they were before and his neck littered with reddening marks, pulled away.

 

“We need to talk.” Renjun wasn’t a fan of _this_ tone of voice, it wasn’t singsong and melodic like normal, nor was it huskier and darker than when he was breathless. This tone was rigid, void of emotion.

 

“S-sure?” It made Renjun feel small, like he was vulnerable, almost like whenever he got in trouble with his parents as a child.

 

Jaemin moved from hovering over him, instead opting to sit next to him. He let out a sigh, running his hand over his face, “I can’t keep doing this,” his voice was wobblier now, “we can’t keep going around like this not knowing if we’re soulmates or not. We could be hurting people. I have a soulmate mark and you don’t, maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be – you’re my soulmate but, I am not yours.” Jaemin continued to rant on like this, saying that it wasn’t fair, that he didn’t want to live like this.

 

“Jesus Jaemin, will you let me speak for one second, please?”

 

“Oh, right, uhm. Yeah, sorry, go ahead.” The way Jaemin could turn from dominant and flirtatious, arrogant and stern to a complete utter mess never ceased to amaze Renjun.

 

“You’re an idiot, a complete and utter idiot.”

 

“Now, I don’t think that’s fair- “

 

“No, it is,” Renjun leant down to tug his sock off, his soulmate mark out of hiding, “look at me, stop burying your face in your hands and look at me.”

 

“I’m embarrassed Renjun, I think I have every right to not want to look at you.”

 

“Oh my god, I would not put up with you if you weren’t my soulmate.”

 

“What?” Jaemin’s head snapped up at that, glassy eyes meeting Renjun’s before darting down to where Renjun’s leg was crossed over into his lap, revealing his soulmate mark in all its super tiny glory. _Angel_ written in a minimalistic print along his ankle. “You’re kidding, h-how could you not tell me?” A lone tear escaped the corner of his eye and _god,_ Renjun was so damn in _love_ with this boy.

 

“I didn’t know how to tell you, Hyuck said you cried for _three_ hours about how I didn’t have a soulmate mark. I couldn’t exactly turn around and be like ‘hey Jaemin, I know we’ve been making out at least three times a week since prom night and we’re not together officially or anything but you are actually my _soulmate_ , you’re just a dumbass who didn’t take my socks off and I’m madly in love with you’. Do you see my issue there?”

 

“Nope, you definitely should’ve done that. I could’ve been kissing you every day of the week. I liked you before, regardless of whether or not we were soulmates, sure I knew since I met you because wow, you’re you and then I just- “

 

“Shut up and kiss me already.”

 

“This means we’re boyfriends, right?”

 

“Not if you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds.”

 

“Jesus, so bossy!”

 

“You love it.”

 

“That I do.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, first of all thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed.  
> So - I'm crazy excited for we boom! It sounds great and we're finally getting six dream! [soft hours open]  
> Highway to heaven english ver - wow, the lyrics weren't what I was /expecting/ we shall say but the music video was super cute - Yuta naruto running, Dojae looking godly, Hyuck being one with the sun, Taeil serving, Jungwoo is a puppy, Mark is a whole baby, Taeyong doesn't know how to button a shirt and Johnny is the only one who can drive - not a seatbelt in sight though haha!
> 
> Anyway, on a sadder note. I had most of this part written a couple of weeks ago but last week a friend of mine passed away. He was only seventeen and it has been really hard processing it, honestly it hasn't really hit me yet. It will take some getting used to. I've also (finally) finished my exams after getting injured which rendered me unable to move for about five days, got my exam results though and I am happy! Finally on summer break but with a very morbid start. Because of the circumstances of his death I have been focussing on what I can do to help others like him and so I've been getting more involved with mental health charities and I will be writing an article for an online magazine that I am going to be part of which is in it's beginning stages. 
> 
> Remember, you're not alone and even shadows need light to exist.


	7. Houston, I have so many problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark drowns his sorrows in T Swift, Grey's Anatomy and Ben and Jerrys and we talk about Johnny a whole lot and the pressures of school and life decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert the 'everything I have to offer' meme*  
> this is short and I'm sorry but it didn't feel write putting the next scene in the same chapter mainly because this has N O T H I N G to do with me projecting my own thoughts and feelings onto my characters????? I would never????

_warning: excessive use of italics in this chapter because apparently I felt like it and I've only worked on this during night hours and honestly it probably doesn't make sense because it isn't edited properly okay love you bye now, enjoy the chapter (:_

**_I’ve got a hundred speeches thrown-out speeches I almost said to you_ **

**_&_ **

**_Yeah, after all this time, I’m still into you_ **

 

     Johnny was a _good_ brother, just not exactly role model material. He was protective, but still let you do all the dumb stuff you thought of - like jumping fully clothed in the lake during winter or staying out past curfew because ‘mum will _never_ know, not unless you tell her anyway’ - he was the one there to laugh with you, cry with you, encourage you to do stupid things because you have to _live_ your life. Mark never really understood when Johnny would go on some philosophical rant about how you only get one life, if you aren’t enjoying it then you’re not doing it right.

 

     He didn’t understand how Johnny always seemed _happy_ , just content with his life.

     He wasn’t constantly thinking about what to do next, how if he did _this_ or _that_ then _this_ would happen. Mark was confused by it in all honestly, he couldn’t comprehend that Johnny studied for _fun,_ wanted to do well _not_ because he felt he had to but because he _wanted_ to. Mark never felt like he made choices purely for himself, he did it for other people or because that’s what he was _supposed_ to do. It wasn’t just academics, Mark was nice to everyone, he it his tongue when he _really_ wanted to correct someone on their opinions (everyone is entitled to their own opinions but the guy was just plain _wrong_ , zero factual basis for his arguments). Mark liked being in control of his own thoughts and feelings, he liked dictating his _own_ life, for once. He just didn’t know _how_ to regain control. He wanted to stop doing things for others, he wanted to be a little selfish – wanted to make himself happy first. _He didn’t realise there was absolutely nothing selfish about that at all._

 

     And then, as stupid as it may sound, Mark started binging Grey’s Anatomy. The medical drama was a major turning point for the sixteen-year-old (at the time), taught him about how he wanted to help people, how he wanted to make a difference to people’s lives. He remembers sitting down and talking to Johnny about it, about how he felt like he’d found his calling. Sure, if anyone asked him now, he’d tell people that he fell in love with medicine as a young child, always playing doctors with his teddy bears and seeing his mum go to work every day, _not_ that Sandra Oh being the magnificent actress she is, made him want to learn more and more about the field, thus he pulled an all-nighter googling different medical pathways and finding what was right for him – and _how_.

 

     Johnny was there for all the big decisions in his life. Johnny was there when Mark didn’t realise you were supposed to ‘come out’ if you were anything but straight (frankly, he strongly believed in the idea that no ones sexuality should be pre-determined and that no one should feel the _need_ to define who they are - like that clip in ‘Love, Simon’ which prompted Jisung, Hyuck, Renjun _and_ Jaemin all telling him to shut up when he went on a rant about how assuming someone’s sexuality is wrong and how coming out shouldn’t just be for the non-heterosexual) and in the midst of his _first_ full-on breakdown over his burgeoning crush on Daniel from year 10 maths, Mark had said ‘he’ around thirty-two times, give or take a few (yes, Johnny had counted _just_ to be sure), and only then had it truly dawned on Johny that this was it, this is the closest Johnny was getting to an ‘I-am-gay-and-this-is-me-coming-out-to-you’ moment. Honestly, it’d made Johnny quite proud - his mother was an avid supporter of the community and they’d grown up completely aware that any and all love was love, nothing wrong with any of it and those who believed otherwise didn’t deserve a lollipop (sue him, he was only eight and that was their mum’s way of describing people who were arseholes without calling them bad names). Johnny was there when Mark, sweating nervously and disgustingly clammy-handed, told them how he wanted to follow in their mothers (actually Meredith Grey’s, not that he was going to tell his mum that) footsteps and become a doctor too. Why he was so nervous, he’ll never really know nor understand.

 

     Especially not when Johnny picked him up and twirled him around in a hug shouting about how his little brother is going to be a doctor, Johnny always was one for theatrics, their mum on the other hand gave her usual warm-hearted smile, said she’d support him no matter what and wrapped him up in one of her bear-hugs. She always gave the best hugs, they simply felt like _home_ , like no matter what you’d be safe.

 

     Jisung smiled, too young to _really_ care and didn’t understand why Mark had made some big deal about it – “it’s just a degree, you could buy one online for like a hundred pounds instead”. Yes, Jisung spent too much time on the internet, Mark _really_ didn’t want to know what the majority of his time on there was spent doing. Honestly, Mark had him pegged as some sort of edgy Tumblr teen running an insanely successful blog for a book-turned-tv-or-movie series so the majority of his time was probably devoted to reading (that Mark knew) and watching and then reviewing the episodes. It was somewhat worrying the amount Mark had thought about this, was he a multi-fandom blogger or did he just stick to one? What was he watching? Shadowhunter’s? Harry Potter? Sherlock? So, many, questions. But hey, it wasn’t Marks business to know. _If he’d just asked Jisung he’d be aware of the youngers multiple blogs, one dedicated to his love of kpop and idols with dimples, the other dedicated to reviewing and just general chatting and fan theories about his favourite book series turned movie/TV shows, Mark wasn’t as far off as he’d like to believe._

 

     With everything that was happening with Hyuck, or rather lack thereof, Mark was desperate to feel at least somewhat in control of his life. Desperate to feel like he was doing something that _mattered_ , like he was working toward something. One thing Mark could always rely on is that all of his friends and family, among other things, would describe him as a workaholic. As much as Mark loved to attempt to dispute this, he couldn’t. It was the truth and being the emotionally constipated teenager that he is – what better way to deal with your emotions that not doing so and instead throwing yourself into schoolwork? Mark was a broken human in many ways, in many ways he was just normal. Just like any other teenager feeling like they didn’t have their lives under control, feeling like they had to make life altering and affirming decisions at the age of sixteen or seventeen. It wasn’t _fair_. It didn’t _feel_ fair at least. It didn’t _feel_ fair that he couldn’t have some cute teenage love story like in the movies, didn’t _feel_ fair that he had to submit his university applications by mid-October when everyone else got to wait until December, didn’t _feel_ fair that everyone else had their soulmates or were finding them left and right but he was _stuck_.

 

     It was stupid and selfish but he _wanted_ to feel upset. He _wanted_ to feel like he’d lost something rather than just admitting the plain truth that Donghyuck just _didn’t_ like him back. Not every love story was straight (oh the irony) out of Wattpad and not everyone got their happy ending, at least not _yet_. So, a very stressed Mark was free to wander mindlessly around his home, mind too occupied with some parallel universe where there’s no such thing as soulmates and everyone possess the ability to fall in love with whomever they wish. Not that that would change much in Mark’s case, but let the guy dream okay? Okay.

 

     Johnny was a _good_ brother. But Johnny was still _his_ brother at the end of the day.

 

     A brother who comes home for the weekend unexpectedly and so his seventeen year old brother believes he’s able to be singing his heart out to wildest dreams by Taylor swift, I break from crying over Mcdreamy’s death, with a pot of Ben and Jerrys fish food (yeah he was in full blown sad mode) in hand and the most over-sized hoodie he could get his hands on, actually wearing his glasses for once and well… Mark was a mess, in peace, but Johnny took the initiative of filming Marks current endeavours before making his presence known by snorting obnoxiously and crumpling into a ball (well as close as Johnny could get to folding his over six foot body into something remotely small) on the floor of their kitchen unable to breathe normally for at least ten minutes and unable to look Mark in the eye for the next two hours while keeping a straight face, as every time it resulted in him wheezing again and managing to get out a “Y-you, you listen,” another wheeze, “to Taylor, _the_ Taylor Swift,” another, _stupid_ , wheeze, “like queen of break up songs when you’re sad? Oh, Mark, where did I go wrong with raising you.” Yeah, not the most pleasant of experiences for Mark, his bright red ears clearly displaying his emotions.

 

_He should be allowed to drown his sorrow in peace, listening to Taylor Swift (and Adele but Johnny didn’t hear his rendition of ‘hello’ so #MarkFirstWin) eating his ice cream and dancing around the kitchen. We’ve all been there and anyone who says they haven’t done some sort of version of this is a down right liar, or just really, really, lucky and hasn’t experienced any form of heartbreak **ever**._

 

     Nevertheless, this is the same Johnny who then slaps you so hard on the back that it winds you, and then tells you with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, “Hey! You know what would be _perfect_ to distract you?” No Johnny, he was taking the Taylor Swift route. Mark just shook his head, his ears tinting red at the memory of Johnny catching him again (yes it was three hours again) and how he would definitely be relaying the message to others. “Well, your uni applications are in, nothing you can do _right_ now to change that. _So,_ I wasn’t going to invite you because I knew you’d say no but now I’m leaving you no choice. As it’s Winwin and Yuta’s birthdays, they’re having a party tonight and _you_ are coming with me.”

 

      “But-“

 

     “Yeah, no buts. You’re coming. Yes, _everyone_ will be there – it’s a family affair. Even Jisung is coming for a bit but I’ve already bought him chocolate milk and put it in the fridge at Yuta’s place.”

 

     “And you’re really going to let me drown my sorrows in alcohol after my birthday party?”

 

     “Sure, after all, what’s the worst that could happen?”

 

     Like Mark said, Johnny let you do the dumb shit. He’d help you pick up the pieces later.

 

 

_Hyuck. Alcohol. Jungwoo. Alcohol. Yuta. Alcohol. Winwin. Alcohol. Jaehyun. Alcohol. Soulmates. Black-out drunk._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IN OTHER NEWS: I have interacted with three of my favourite writers over on twitter today and wow im not okay and my true nature of being a dorky idiot really took a hold on me there. a knee ways, head over to my twitter @luhenyangkun if you want to see me cry as i write this, that dojae kid fic and im now attempting to write a markhyuck social media au and im loving life. 
> 
> HAPPY MARK LEE DAY (EVEN THOUGH ITS STILL NOT AUGUST 2ND IN FRANCE FOR ME RIGHT NOW BUT OH WELL)  
> DREAMIE COMEBACK GOT ME LIKE GHRUZHKDFGVNMDRHZGKZRFKZRHFRHGIDHG and thats all I have to say on that.


	8. When You're Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get drunk, they said, it will be fun, they said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a whole bunch of different scenes put together I'm sorry if it’s confusing - drop a comment if you have any questions, I'm more than happy to answer!  
> Sorry for the wait, I will post a notice if I ever put this story on hold or anything but I have never promised an update or made any kind of update schedule because I don't want to get anyone's hopes up if I'm unable to deliver - this applies to all of my works.  
> TW: mentions of homophobia / implied homophobia (not heavy)  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter - please leave a comment to let me know what you thought! I'm on twitter over @luhenyangkun and the same for tumblr where you can leave me a curious cat (same user) or an anon ask if you prefer (:

**_All the mystery and the magic_ **  
**_You light up what once was tragic_ **  
**_And I know that I will miss you when you're gone_ **  
**_I could never have imagined_ **  
**_All the heavens pour with passion_ **  
**_But I know that I will miss you when you're gone_ **  
  


     Johnny had been right about one thing tonight; it was indeed a family affair. What  _felt_  like just about everyone Mark was close to, was dispersed throughout Yuta's house. The parents had all congregated in the kitchen, about five too many bottles of wine left empty on the side for the number of people - the chatter and laughter rang in Mark's ears.

_God_ , he hated being drunk. The smallest of sounds seemed to echo in his ears but at the same time it felt like he was hearing things underwater, his head was spinning and he was about  _six_  too many drinks in and he'd barely been there two hours. The air around him feels thick, muggy from too many people being crowded into the various rooms.

 

     Jisung had somehow managed to get out of the whole ordeal, arguing with their mum about how it would be inappropriate for someone who is (even more so than the others) underage to be surrounded by drunk people and the possibility of him therefore partaking in said underage drinking would be increased and that's not good for his health. Johnny had called him a pussy under his breath and had promptly earned a slap to his stomach from their mum and a stern "watch your language John" who then turned to Jisung (whose face was now adorning the slight pout and puppy dog eyed look - aka how to get their mum to do whatever they wanted look), her face relaxing into a gentle smile before kissing the top of his head (on her tiptoes which made  _her_  pout) and telling him to rest well and not stay up too late studying or engrossed in whatever novel he was currently working his way through. Mark stuck his tongue out on the way out the door - the kid could get away with everything, he and Johnny had dubbed it the youngest child effect. Johnny was pretty upset that he'd wasted good chocolate milk and now  _Yuta_ was going to get to drink it.   
  


 

     Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that Jisung had gotten out of having to attend the party. Yuta had been wasted before the party had even started, according to Sicheng at least who had given them a tired smile upon opening the door, and the extent of his drunkenness was only revealed further when he'd yelled "it's my birthday bitches" at the top of his lungs before chugging half a bottle of what was possibly some flavoured vodka, possibly a bottle of fairy liquid - Mark wasn't entirely sure. Johnny was too busy moping about Ten having flown back, already missing his boyfriend and the two barely had five minutes for a phone call between time differences and Ten actively promoting - he couldn't exactly blurt out in an interview over there that the reason he needed to delay that interview by five minutes was because he was trying to text his  _boyfriend_ , his  _soulmate_. back before he had to go into his engineering class. Whenever Ten went away it was like their relationship got put on hold for however long until Ten came back. They wouldn't fight or argue over the lack of conversation, they wouldn't even  _whine_ about missing the other. Johnny always said it's what he signed up for, whether he meant to or not, they were soulmates, bound for life to one another whether they wanted it or not and at the end of the day Johnny loved Ten - almost six thousand miles away and a fifteen-hour flight away or not. Still, it didn't stop Johnny from drowning his feelings in all the mixed fruity drinks he could get his hands on (which would be  _delightful_ for him to throw up the next morning and complain about how 'he's never drinking again' which everyone knew was a lie) and proceeding to whine about how he wasn't  _allowed_  to miss Ten because if Ten knew, he'd feel guilty and then Ten would get sad and that means Johnny would be upset - to which Mark responded with "You're a mess and that's coming from  _me_.", Johnny just went back to drinking his assortment of colours, offering Mark something which looked more like the colour of neon highlighter fluid rather than something you could drink - but for some reason he took it anyway. It burned the back of his throat and then left a sickly-sweet taste in his mouth. If Mark had more braincells, he wouldn't have continued to sample the colourful array of drinks decorating various surfaces of Yuta’s house, he would've stopped at his (albeit pathetic) limit and known better than to knock back drink after drink - his vision and judgement getting cloudier by the minute.  
  


 

     Mark had been dancing around since he'd first arrived, back and forth between rooms in hopes of avoiding Donghyuck. Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to avoid him, the younger was probably doing the exact same thing though since the lack of communication between the two since way back to Mark's birthday. Mark had spent some time pining and was  _okay_  about the whole situation now (as okay as he could be on the surface anyhow). Mark had been so busy with school - even with only being a month and a half in - he'd been spending lunches in the library, study periods with his tutor to talk about his personal statement and what felt like every second of his free time was spent pouring over his textbooks, homework and whatever else he could get his hands on. The only breath of fresh air was when he finally submitted his uni applications, nudging the whole ordeal to the back of his mind rather than playing the waiting game to see if he'd get accepted or not. He'd drifted apart from everyone in a sense but with Donghyuck it was  _weird_. When he passed the others in the hallways, they'd spare a second to flash a smile or give a quick wave, things were  _normal_ , but with Donghyuck it felt like he purposefully averted his eyes every time, maybe Mark's mind was playing tricks on him, maybe it wasn't.

Renjun had ranted to him over facetime at three am one night about how Donghyuck seemed to squash any and all rumours quite quickly about whether or not he was gay, Heejin and him had made up somehow apparently and Renjun had seen the two of them spending time together - what for, Mark didn't know, nor did he  _want_  to. Renjun had said it was probably some sort of ploy due to Hyuck's parents. They all knew the story and they weren't the worst, but when Hyuck's older brother, Taeyong, had come out they just seemed to ignore it - they pretended like it hadn't happened and they never brought up dating around Taeyong ever again until Taeyong had gotten quite sick of it and had decided to bring his boyfriend (although he hadn't introduced him as his boyfriend, it was quite clear by the two's body language that Taeil very much was) to their annual family Christmas party. Not his proudest moment he has admitted on multiple occasions but, to Mark and the others it was quite the scandal, particularly as lovely as Donghyuck's parents were, they just seemed to not realise the number of people around them that were gay, much to the amusement of the majority of their friends. Just about everyone was gay, bisexual or pan between Mark and Johnny's friends, as well as a copious amount of people attending their school alone were part of the LGBTQ+ community and openly expressed their support of it and  _how_  the Lee's were yet to realise it no one would ever know, as well as how they've managed to live in their surprisingly accepting small town where political and social 'issues' weren't taboo. Taeyong had moved out the moment he was accepted into uni and promised that he wouldn't end their relationship for the sake of Hyuck, even if it meant the only time he spoke to his parents these days was when 'required' to at family events and the occasional birthday phone call. Mark and Donghyuck had grown distant over the last two months and Mark couldn't help but feel like it was to do with the rumours. Mark knew Donghyuck's parents wouldn't be  _happy_  about him being gay, if he was (Mark was still confused as to whether or not he'd come out to him that day) they would just pretend like it wasn't happening, make up a  _girl_  that he was supposedly dating to rely it to the family - it had happened before and it would more than likely happen again. But alas, Mark was far too drunk for him to be able to work up the emotional capacity to act like the best friend, if he could even call himself that anymore, he should be too Donghyuck.  
  
  


\- - - -   
  
  


     "Jaehyun, please stop, I'm too drunk for this-"  
  


"Being drunk is the perfect time young padawan! As the expert on all thing’s soulmates, please remember I have known mine since I was a mere five years of age, I am the most qualified to educate you here."  
  


"You're probably more drunk than I am right now-"  
  


"I probably am, okay, I definitely am but, doesn't stop me from being happy and in love and married to the best person in the world."  
  


"You aren't married?"  
  


"That's what you think."  
  


"Jaehyun, what on earth is that supposed to mean?"  
  


"It means that just because I may not be legally married,  _yet,_ that doesn't mean I won't be anytime soon. I just need to pick a ring and then ask him but it's not like he's going to say no right? Having a soulmate, you are bound to that person for the rest of your life, that's the whole idea of marriage, is it not? Oh look, there's Doyoung, see you later Mark!" Mark was flabbergasted, apparently Jaehyun had turned into some kind of Tumblr drabble reciting robot when drunk off the dubious substance in his cup, although if you asked him he'd probably just say it's what happens when you're in love and then flash you the famous Jung smile - dimpled and gummy.   
  


"Wait!" Even when he raised his voice himself it made his head pound, "You didn't give me your advice?"  
  


"Oh yeah," Jaehyun could barely stand straight, gently swaying as he paused in his steps half turned to Mark, “Just confess already. The pining isn't doing you any good and there's no other way to find out if he's your soulmate or not unless he tells you he's the one who caused your tattoo. Right now, you're only hurting yourself, stop feeling guilty all the time and be a little selfish for once, not that telling someone how you feel is selfish. You'll only make yourself sick,  _literally_ , either way and yes it could end up worst case scenario but you could also end up  _happy._  You deserve to be happy Mark, you've spent so long doing things for everyone else because you felt like you had to, do something for yourself."  
  
  
Mark let his weight sink to the floor, his back pressed against the cold wall of the hallway.

Maybe it's what he needed to be able to let go?

 

 

 

     "Mark, hey," Jungwoo turned the corner, finding Mark still cuddled up against the wall where Jaehyun had left him earlier, "I was looking for you, you disappeared on everyone."  
  


"Jungwoo... I want to apologise again about what happened at my birthday. I was drunk, wasn't thinking straight. What I did was wrong, so wrong and I'm so sorry for it and for upsetting you and-"  
  


"How many times do I have to tell you I'm okay? Taeyong introduced me to this older friend of his anyway, very cute, very mature so no risk of him doing any classic teenage pining. Besides, neither of us were exactly thinking  _straight_ Mark. You and Haechannie will figure things out soon enough."  
  


"Jaehyun told me to confess, that's why I'm here, debating whether that would be easier than yeeting myself off a cliff." Mark couldn't look at Jungwoo, he still felt guilty, sure they'd both been drunk and neither were exactly hoping to start anything in the future but it felt  _sucky_ , Mark never wanted to hurt someone else and in that moment he did, whether Jungwoo was okay now or not.  
  


"Maybe you should, get everything out in the open rather than keeping all those emotions bottled up. You never know, maybe good things will come from it."  
  


"Thank you, Woo, I know what I did was super shitty and I really hope you know how sorry I am."  
  


"Shut up Mark, it never happened."  
  


"Right, it never happened."  
  


For the first time in a while, an  _actual_  smile threatened to appear on Mark's face.   
  
  
"Come on, lets re-join the party! Winwin got everyone dancing, even Johnny," Jungwoo grabbed his hand to pull him up from the floor, "let’s have some  _fun_."  
  
  
  


 

     As Jungwoo and Mark joined the makeshift dance floor of Yuta's living room, more drinks were pushed into their hands as their friends whooped and cheered that they were back, all far too drunk to remember any of their actions come morning. Jaehyun and Doyoung were cooped up in a corner, speaking in hushed voices to one another, both of their eyes filled with complete adoration for one another. Lucas was twirling Yuqi, the two of them bursting into fits of giggles whenever they made eye contact, it was endearing, Mark thought. Yuta and Winwin seemed to no longer be hiding their relationship status when Sicheng was not-so-subtle, sitting on Yuta's lap, the two leaning in for an R-rated kiss that Mark swiftly looked away from. Jaemin's head was resting on Renjun's thigh as they sat down on the sofa, evidently Jaemin had drunk more than he could handle and Renjun's hands gently cascaded through the younger's hair. Mark liked seeing his friends together, it made him realise just what having one’s soulmate can do, how it can make you feel. But he couldn't help the pang in his chest at the thought, he was alone, his eyes somehow having found Donghyuck among the copious amounts of people dancing. Mark couldn't take his eyes off of him, he gravitated towards him, dancing with some girls from his class who dragged Mark to join them - pushing him towards Donghyuck.

  
  
     The younger's head snapped up at the mention of Mark's name, no longer focused on perfecting the choreography to whatever song was playing with Yeri and Irene. Before Donghyuck could escape, Mark clasped his wrist, looking at him with pleading eyes. Now or never,  _now or never._  


Donghyuck freed himself, flashing Mark a disgusted look before walking out of the room as fast as he could without drawing attention to them, Mark close behind.

 

"Hyuck, wait up please!"

 

"Leave me alone Mark."

 

"Come on Hyuck, at least let me speak," Mark's shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh, attempting to build up his courage, now or never. "J-just let me say this and then you can scream, yell, runaway or whatever it is you want to do," Donghyuck's resistance against Mark pulling his arm again relaxed, "just,  _please_  let me speak."  
  


"Fine. What do you so desperately have to say?" His voice was wobbly, Donghyuck was telling himself that it was because of the cold October air and not his emotions getting the better of him. Donghyuck doesn’t even remember at what point they’d made it outside – nor does he see the audience of one they’ve gathered.  
  


"Okay, right, here we go."  
  


"I don't have all night Mark."  
  


"Right, sorry. Of course, I just need a second." Was the air getting thicker or was Mark just having trouble breathing?  
  


"Here goes nothing," Mark took one last deep breath and closed his eyes, he had this speech engraved in his mind ready to use it at any moment, "I like you Hyuck. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you and I'm also fairly certain that you're my soulmate.

I know that we're young and I'm definitely dumb and you aren't even eighteen yet but, I know that I'm in love with you and I trust that the universe made us meet that day in the library because you  _are_  my soulmate. I can't imagine my life without you, I can't imagine waking up next to anyone else. I can't imagine kissing someone else, holding someone else in my arms, running my hands through their hair, listening to them hum along to the radio. It's always you, in my daydreams and my nightmares, whether I'm asleep or awake you're always by my side.

Believe me when I say I tried to stop, I tried to convince myself that you're not  _the one_. I spent so long crying myself to sleep, begging the universe to let me stop loving you, I tried, I really,  _really_  tried... but, I'm always going to love you. I think I've known that since the day we first met and I need you to know that, I'm always going to love you. No matter what. I've imagined me saying this to you hundreds of thousands of times and I was never going to say anything but I can't keep doing this. I can't fake another smile, I can't fake like everything’s alright all of the time, I can't fake that I'm alright. I love you Donghyuck."  
  


"Mark," Donghyuck inhaled sharply, "I don't know what you want me to say..."  
  


"Say you feel the same, say you can feel your soulmate mark showing up,  _whatever,_ " the pleading in Mark's words was clear by his breathlessness, "Hyuckie,  _please_ , I know you can feel it too."  
  


"I'm sorry Mark, I really am," his shoulders slumped and he couldn't meet Mark's eyes, Mark's pleading gaze, "I'm so sorry. I can't do this. I don't feel the same, I'm  _not_  in love with you Mark. You're hurting someone else by doing this, please get over me and stop - I know you won't be able to handle the guilt. I can't let you hurt someone else, I can't hurt you by lying like that. I'm sorry... I'm  _so_  sorry."  
  


And with that he turned away, leaving Mark behind, hiccupping in attempts to breathe while he sobbed uncontrollably. A pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling Mark into a warm chest, a gentle hand patting his head and muttering "it's okay" over and over again.  
  


     Mark had never felt more sober than he did in that moment. Dizziness overtook him, the walls if the hallway felt like they were closing in around him, getting closer and closer, suffocating him. He sobbed and sobbed until he didn't have a single tear left to cry, his body spasming as he tried to catch his breath, hiccupping into the comfort of Johnny's arms.

 

Mark had never wanted to get drunk more in his life.

 

 

\- - - - -

 

 

     Donghyuck is peacefully absorbed in his history textbook when his attention is snapped away from medieval medical treatments and to Jaemin quite literally plonking himself in the chair over the other side of the table to Donghyuck, letting out an exasperated sigh as he does so, backpack discarded on the floor by his feet as his eyes meet Donghyuck's - they're inquisitive and Donghyuck feels himself shrink in on himself a little, out of apprehension, fear or embarrassment, Donghyuck isn't sure.

 

"What happened with you and Mark?"

 

There was a slight bite to Jaemin's voice, no traces of any gentleness or subtly. Jaemin wasn't for softness when it came to life generally, particularly when someone’s upset, he approaches situations with the grace of a herd of elephants.

 

"Nothing."

 

Jaemin tuts, rolls his eyes and lets out a deep sigh, clearly not satisfied with Donghyuck's answer - or rather lack thereof.

 

"Oh, that’s not what I heard?"

 

Donghyuck can't tell if Jaemin drew the short straw and is the one tasked with interrogating him over the events of the weekend or if he's genuinely doing it for himself. Maybe Mark is keeping quiet about the events of that night, however even with how good the two are at avoiding one another it is clear Mark hasn't been in school the last few days, they aren't  _that_ good at not having crossed paths remotely  _once._ Donghyuck couldn't help the pang of guilt. Donghyuck also knows that Jaemin isn't giving up, he's tapping his fingers against the desk as if he's hoping that'll prompt Donghyuck to talk. Jaemin is nonchalant about most things in life (aside from anything Renjun related), yet he doesn't back down and is evidently undaunted when it comes to getting what he wants.

 

"Well, nothing happened."

 

"Bullshit." Jaemin counters, without missing a beat.

 

Donghyuck is taken back by the harshness of his voice. Honestly, Donghyuck thought they would drag this out for longer, more like he was hoping he could keep up his charade of ' _nothing happened_ ' for longer, staying in his little bubble where he could  _pretend_  like everything was okay - like that night hadn't happened and he hadn't broken his best friends heart. Jaemin was the type to bug you to just the right level of being ridiculously annoying to get what he wanted out of you - driving you to insanity bit by bit was more his style unlike the current look of utter despair lacing his usually kind features.

 

"That's utter bullshit and you know it. Whatever fantasy charade you're keeping up by pretending everything’s okay is ending right now. You keep sighing in lessons, I can practically feel the anguish radiating off of you from the other side of town and here you are straight up lying to my face and just about everyone else, including yourself."

 

"Why do you care so much?" Hyuck didn't  _mean_ to sound so cold, it was just a second-nature defence mechanism at this point as well as being caught off-guard by Jaemin's sudden outburst.

 

Jaemin looks at him again, staring dead into Hyuck's eyes like he's searching for Donghyuck's last remaining brain cell, jokes on him though because it's not there. "Because Haechannie, I actually  _care_  about you and want to make sure you're okay as well as Mark. The tension between you two is downright depressing and I thought all the melodrama ended when Renjun and I got together but clearly, I was wrong, the two of you are  _so_ much worse. Both with permanent pouts on their faces, avoiding talking about whatever happened so no one can do anything to help which  _again_ , is just," Jaemin let out some disgruntled sound in lieu of an adjective but laced with the same disgust he was attempting to convey, "you see? Everyone has been here before, we're not all Jaehyun and Doyoung, you're more like Johnny and Ten and the utter mess that was the start of their best-friends-to-boyfriends transition. We  _all_  care about you; we  _all_  want to make sure that you're coping and not making yourself sick." Jaemin's now looking at him with one eyebrow raised as if Donghyuck's now supposed to magically understand whatever Jaemin's word vomit was actually implying.

 

Donghyuck lets his eyes wander over Jaemin's appearance, his hand griping his hair in anticipation of Hyuck's reply, pupils blown, wide and gazing at Donghyuck's face for any hint of emotion, looking slightly manic. Donghyuck evaluates his current position and with a deep breath he feels calmer, his muscles have relaxed, a smirk graces his face and-

 

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask, how are Johnny and Ten?"

**6 NEW MESSAGES FROM RENJUN**

I don't know what you did but you broke Jaemin

I've been trying to get him to shut up for years and you did it in less than half an hour

teach me your ways

he hasn't said anything since he got back, he's just sat there staring out the window with his mouth hanging open

Jisung and Chenle are seeing how many blueberries they can get in his mouth until he snaps out of it

they're up to nine

let me know how many they get up too

and tell Jaemin I'm sorry and that I'll talk when I'm ready.

 

Donghyuck smiles, its only small but it’s his first genuine smile in a while.

 

 

\- - - - -

 

 

      The rain is bouncing off the ground as he walks home, splashing his ankles and soaking the ends of his jeans. The temperature seems to have dropped by a million degrees since this morning and he's wishing he checked the weather app and put a warmer coat on. He's at the point where the harsh October air feels like it’s getting in his bones, just about every inch of him is freezing and just when he thinks things can't get any worse, as he turns the corner to his house he's met by a tall figure sat on the steps leading up to his door.

 

The rain is the last thing on his mind as he lets his umbrella drop to his side, tilting his head as if that would help him get a better look at the boy that's slouched over, flicking his phone between his hands.

 

Upon hearing Donghyuck let out a pathetic attempt at a cough in hopes of gaining the others attention, the mop of blonde hair moves until Hyuck is met with a heart-warming, lopsided smile he could recognise anywhere.

 

"Hey, Haechannie."

 

"Hello, what can I help you with?"

 

 

"I think you know why I'm here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUNDUNDUNNNN who's at the door?  
> I'm just kidding, I purposefully didn't build tension up to it for a reason,, although I do feel like the assumptions are going to be wrong but who knows - I'm intrigued to know who you think it is!  
> me: light angst  
> also me: lets just shatter mark's (the baby lion's) heart into pieces  
> I hope you're all doing well and hope you have a lovely day <3


	9. The Art of Truly Caring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck learns more about himself and the meaning of having a soulmate–an idea he hadn't entertained before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is long overdue. See end notes for my rambling.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter–it's very dialogue heavy and we explore Donghyuck a little more.

**_Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognise anywhere_ **

"I think you know why I'm here."

It wasn't a question, there wasn't any doubt in his voice. He knew Donghyuck was well aware what his reasoning for being there was. Donghyuck wasn't stupid, nor was he.

 

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Where's the fun in me answering right off the bat,  _ Johnny  _ ?”

 

Donghyuck took in his slightly disheveled appearance, giving him another once over before speaking again. "You better come inside, your mum would murder me if he knew you'd been sat out here in the cold and wet waiting for me," Donghyuck sighed, "Lord knows I don't need that on my conscience, nor do I feel like getting killed in my sleep any time in the next week."

  
  


Donghyuck's house was usually pretty eerie, it was always too quiet, no sibling's screaming at each other from across the hall, no clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen or the echo of the TV. Wildly different from his own home.

  
  


"I'm sorry to just show up like this but I didn't know what else to do."

"It's not a problem, what am I going to do anyway? Turn you away from my front door in this weather? I can be a bitch but I'm not heartless, Johnny.”

“I never said you were. I just wasn’t expecting you to actually let me inside, you seem to be shutting just about everyone out right now, both physically and metaphorically of course.”

  
  


Donghyuck shuffled around the kitchen, grabbing two mugs so he could make them some tea, it was the least he could do before he got berated for breaking Johnny’s brothers heart. Johnny just watched in a daze, trying to think through all the things he could say; neither Donghyuck nor Mark were aware of Johnny having witnessed heir argument, having watched as not just one, but two hearts shattered to pieces the moment Donghyuck had let out that first, strangled ‘I’m sorry’.

The two sat across from each other, in Donghyuck's far too clean and tidy living room to have even been lived in, hot chocolate's in hand and heating their only defense against the grim weather.

“Guess I like you too much to do that, plus you scare me slightly when you get into protective big brother mode.”

“You know protective big brother mode applies to you too, right? I’ve known  you longer than I’ve known Jisung, you’re just as much my brother as Jisungie or Mark.”

“But Mark or Jisung aren’t the ones who broke your little brothers heart. Or rather shattered it into oblivion and crushes all his hopes and dreams. I’m a horrible excuse for a human-being.” 

“Don’t say that Hyuck, you can’t think its the be-all and end-all just because you don’t feel the same way about him, just because you  _ don’t know  _ how you feel or what you feel.” 

  
  


Donghyuck ran his hands over his face and sighed, "Mark hates me Johnny, I didn't just break his heart - I clawed it out, stomped all over it and chucked it away like he meant nothing to me."

"He doesn't hate you, he could  _ never  _ hate you Haechannie."

Donghyuck scoffed, "And how would you know that?"

"Because that's the thing about soulmates. No one ever realises the true power of a soulmate until they find their own, even then it's practically impossible to explain. There isn't words to describe the pure devotion, that true love you feel, the way you'd do anything for them. Your soulmate isn't someone you give your life too, it's someone who completes you. Without them you'd smile a little less, cry a little more and be a little lonelier. They support you in life and you do the same, you work together, not alone. It's so beautiful. Whether they’re by your side, down the street, or the other side of the world–you’re connected."

"I still can't comprehend how much of a sap you've become."

It was Johnny's turn to scoff, "Come on, be serious with me here. It's just me and you, you know you can talk to me about anything. You don't have to talk about Mark or soulmates, you can talk about school, or applying to uni, or Red Velvet's latest comeback, you don't have to lie or fake anything to me. It’s me Donghyuck and I may not be your soulmate but I’m not going anywhere." 

"Johnny, you don't have to do this. You don't have to act like you care... no one else does, not even my own parents. Save yourself the trouble and whatever obligation you feel to be here."

  
  


That was the thing about Donghyuck's parents, they just didn't really care. There was no 'I'm proud of you' when he brought his report home, or a genuine 'how was your day?'. The two lived and breathed their work and he would always be thankful for everything they had given him but he couldn't help the feeling of missing the attachment that the others around him had to their parents. He went home to an empty house, the place looked like something straight out of a catalog, not a shoe out of place. It didn't look lived in and it never felt like a home. He'd always spent more time at Mark's or Jaemin’s during his childhood especially, they were homes. Jaemin's always, without fail, smelt like home cooked food, it was warm and cozy with little traces of each member of the family filtering in to every room. Mark's on the other hand was arguably utter  _ chaos  _ , the usual smell of burnt food (Mark has been banned from the kitchen but that doesn't seem to stop him) or the vanilla scented candles his mother adores and insists on putting in every room no matter the weather.

If you asked Donghyuck to describe what a home felt like, whether he thought about it or not, he would inevitably end up describing the Lee's. There were pencil markings on the wall beside the inside of the office door, logging their heights every year since Johnny was four, his personal favourite is this past year when Jisung officially passed Mark in height - and yes, Mark is still bitter about it. Donghyuck likes the way he knows that the chips on the skirting board in the hallway and the dent in the wooden flooring is from when Johnny dropped a bottle of vodka at sixteen and it was his first experience witnessing someone use such colourful language. He likes the way he knows that the light on the fence at the bottom of the garden doesn't work because Jaemin had finally kicked a football into it one too many times and they still haven't gotten around to fixing it despite the fact it was almost five years ago. He liked the little nick nacks that had found their way onto any possible empty surface, random pictures of days out, school events and Polaroids of  evenings that are now slightly hazy in their memories but if the smiles on their faces are anything to go by it was enjoyable all the same. 

Donghyuck liked the way Mark's bedroom screamed  _ him  _ the moment you walked in. Donghyuck's was plain and simple, aside from the pop art canvas print of Michael Jackson his mum had bought him to replace his 'ghastly' posters. Mark's room was filled with miscellaneous art and clutter he loved despite not having any meaning (it had meaning to him no matter how stupid- it always had meaning), from his giant poster of the periodic table (colour-coded and all), to the one of his favourite football team, the vintage band posters he'd put up to remind him of his dad, to ones of his favourite movies and video games. In all the years they've known each one another Donghyuck is pretty convinced he can count the number of times Marks bed has been made on one hand, his numerous blankets tossed haphazardly around. It was organised chaos, it made Hyuck feel safe and cosy, made him feel like he was home.

"You can't stop me from caring about you Donghyuck, that's not going to happen. I love you just like my brothers, you know that, you grew up just as much a part of the family as anyone else. You don't have to hide who you are Donghyuck, not to me."

  
  
  


"I don't know what to do, Johnny. I don't know where it all went wrong," Donghyuck's voice faltered, barely above a whisper. He let out a faint sob.

  
  


Johnny got up from his seat, wrapping his arms around the younger and pulling him into a tight hug as he let out sob after sob. Finally releasing all his built-up emotions.

"Shhh, don't worry Hyuck, I've got you okay. You're going to be just fine, I've got you."

  
  


It took a while but the younger had finally calmed down enough to speak again, hesitantly removing himself from Johnny's tight hold. 

"So, what I got in between your sobs, Mark confessed but you haven't gotten your soulmate Mark so unless there's some sort of glitch, you and him aren't actually meant to be - wow, my whole life has been a lie if that's the case- and you think you may be 'kinda, sorta, maybe' gay?"

"Yeah that's about the most of it," Donghyuck huffed.

"Right. Honestly don't know where to start with unpacking all of that but you seem might need to talk your feelings out.”

“It feels like my whole life I’ve been told that Mark and I will end up being soulmates, no one ever thought we wouldn’t be. We just ignored it, kept living our lives as best friends and that let me ignore my feelings, ignore the fact that my parents would treat me the same as they did Taeyong if they knew I was gay, that I am gay. 

I’ve grown up in a house that doesn’t believe you have to be with your soulmate, that doesn’t believe that there’s just one person out there for everyone. My parents not being with their soulmates made me think there wasn’t anything wrong with it, that people getting sick when they’re apart from their soulmate is some manufactured lie.  _ I don’t know what to believe anymore.  _ ”

“I watched my mum lose my dad Hyuck and whether it’s true or not, she wasn’t the same after. She wasn’t the same for a long time. That love she had for him had nowhere to go, it destroyed her. I don’t have anything against people who don’t date their soulmate, or people who go without ever so much as searching for them. I don’t think it's denying your soulmate that destroys you, it’s denying that love. Love is powerful and all-consuming and it makes you lose yourself for a little while but you always figure it out in the end. Whether you think Mark is your soulmate or not, if you truly care for him as something more than  _ just  _ your best friend, no one will stop you. Soulmates don’t resign you to loving one person.” 

"I don't want to be with someone whose heart belongs to someone else. If Mark and I really aren’t soulmates, surely I’m just setting  _ myself  _ up for heartbreak? Just once, I want to be someone's first choice. I'm so sick of being second best all the time."

"Hyuck, you know that's not true. You know you're not second best, that's just stupid."

"Yes, I am. Sometimes it's subtle, like the way my parents finally let me enroll in dance classes or allowed me to dye my hair - but I realised that they were dealing with the fact Taeyong walked out by replacing him with me. I'm not really Mark's best friend, Renjun always will be, but we all know Mark would choose family above all else, you included. You and Ten defy all odds against your relationship because you truly believe in one another and the idea of soulmates. Chenle would find Jisung in every lifetime and Jaemin... Jaemin lives and breathes Renjun. Jaemin wouldn't let a soul so much as harm a hair on Renjun's head he is so in love with that boy. So, no Johnny, I'm not even second best, I'm a last resort to everyone, even my own parents."

Johnny paused, mouth opening and closing a of times while he tried to figure out what to say, "Your parents are really trying to replace him with you?"

"I don't know, it feels like they are. Sometimes they'll accidentally ask if he's coming home for tea or something equally mundane and the looks on their faces when they realise what they've just said... it's obvious they miss him but they won't do anything about it, they're too stubborn to care." Hyuck runs his hands over his face and lets out a deep breath,  "They only started letting me do all these things since Taeyong left. They couldn't stop him, he didn't listen, but I did and look where that got me. I'm a stranger in my own home and I have to hide who I really am. It’s like they hope that if they give me more freedom that I won’t turn out like Taeyong or ruin their little picture perfect family."

"I know you're angry right now, at me, at Mark, at your parents... at the world. But, I will always try my best to be there for you and if you need to get out of there please,  _ please  _ just come to ours. I can't stand that you still live there, you don't deserve to be in a place like that."

Johnny gave one of his heart-warming smiles, hugging Donghyuck again. “You are loved Haechannie, there are people who care about you, people who would risk the world for you and you just need to let yourself be open to the idea that someone can love you, for you. Don't be a stranger, stop hiding from the world and let yourself be you again. You didn't get the nickname Haechan for nothing.”

  
  


Johnny left after more hugs and tears, telling Donghyuck he’s loved, over and over again. Drilling it into him so he couldn’t forget, so he had no choice but to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will apologise for disappearing and seemingly abandoning this fic for a fair amount of time but I'm not really going to apologise for not updating? I get that may come across rude but I've been rather busy over this past month and I've been struggling with a whole array of things that has made it extremely difficult to actually finish writing. I've completely restarted this chapter a minimum of seven times because I've hated every version and I'm still not entirely happy with this. I have uploaded a new fic though which has restored some motivation for writing in me.
> 
> I still love this fic and will absolutely see it through, it just may take a bit longer because it hasn't turned out how I thought it would. I am forever grateful for all the support and the comments and kudos I receive so truly, thank you for that and I hope you can stick through this with me. I'm always around on [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/luhenyangkun) and you can always send me a message on [ curious cat ](https://curiouscat.me/luhenyangkun) I'm happy to talk to you and you can find my [ markhyuck social media au ](https://twitter.com/luhenyangkun/status/1153787978176557056?s=20) and other random bits and bobs. Thank you again, stay well.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ♡
> 
>  
> 
> twitter // cc


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